~ sound mute ~

other people insecuritys can some how pass on to you, its not like you then have them but you doubt things that you wouldnt before, you think about things that you normally wouldnt see like that and its not something that i like. its not as thought its now a recuring thing, its just when you relises what they find wrong or what they see in there eyes are wrong you think about things on your side. its still the time of everyone havin problems in realtionships, everyone is ither breaking up, havin a break or are cheatin on each other, it makes you think of how lucky of a situation you are, there are these people that havent found what they think is right yet they kid themselves into thinking that it is, you put up with stuff you wouldnt normaly want to and you grip your teeth to just have someone by your side. the fact that i think that i have found the right person in my life feels fantastic, its a feelin that is undescribeble. something that nothing can feel the same about, then you think fuck, i dont want this to end, for something that has then turned into you world, what every thought in your mind evolves around and you think, if something happens im guna be a mess, im guna have nothin and it scares the fuck out of me, its not like i have really thought about it like that before, i normaly take it as it comes, but for some reason iv looked at it the what if way and i dont want to ever again!. when i was in hopsital it makes you think about alot of things, the time that you have to just waste makes you think about things again and again, and you think fuck this is my life i am wastin in this shit hole. you sorta think about things that are important in your life and what isnt so important, the things you could do with out in your life and what you wanna sorta see yourself like at the end of it. the fact of that i was nearly dead has yet again scared the fuck out of me, that would have bin 3 ov us that would have died in that shit hole, and the reality of im not gunna be here kicked in, i would hate to leave the people i love behind, you think about what it would be like without them then you think they would be like that without me, and plus the fact of i have my whole life to live. i think its seriously time to look after myself, i dont want to be in my grave juuuuust yet, i decided that a few month ago so why put myself in it another way. its just the reality of it all that makes you just stand there and think, i relise that i have something in my life that not many people find easily, i have something i dont deserve and that has changed me a such a good way, and i wouldnt change it for the world.