~ call the police ~

the way you live your life to the person next to you is completely different, you think differenty and you do things differently, your out looks on life are more than opposite and you normaly find people are positive people, or there not at all. i think threw all ov the twisted things i think im a postive person, well... compared to alot of people, i take things as they come, i dont expect more than what things really are blah blah blah ... but at times it feels like the bits of string that are loose at the back of the picture of yourself, get a good tug now and again, its not from something that happens, its just from things that you think of or relise, which i think in a way is one of the worse things to get a feeling off, it sort of creeps in on you then plays on your mind for a bit, its not necaserily a bad thing, you can realises some of the best things that way but i prefur to get it off a certain thing, to get it off something i have done, something someone else has done or just ... some kind of action, not a thought.

the way past can effect your current feelings now and again annoys me, you want it to be totally gone, you dont want to be reminded of things or the things you do want to be reminded of always seem to stay behind things and they old appear when something is remenisced. its when it clicks you have done something that has been becuase of the past and you think, shit! why did i do that? its not like that anymore?!. . . i think it must just be something that stays with you, something that the lessons in life want to keep with you to remind you that your life will get better. the people that no when you do it, you can tell they understand, its not something were words are spoken its just the feeling and they no why. im still that strong person, i have alot on me that other people dont, without trying to sound like my head is up my own arse but i can deal with things that other people couldnt and i can deal with them on my own, i like the way of eing independent like that, but i like the way that now i can sit and say something to someone without thinking i am a burden, my sister and brother are good for it, they no me, they no how i work for things even though you dont want them to, if you want to you can just say something small and they instantly no how you are feeling, and somehow they no how to make you feel that little bit better about it. i dont no how people could abandon there familys, i dont no how people could walk out on there kids, i look up to my dad more than anyone in the world, he keeps me right, he is shit strict on things but if he wasnt i wouldnt learn anything, he wont let me down and i duno, its a dad thing, im a daddys girl, and i no he wouldnt change the way we are over anything,but i dont no how people could just leave there children your own flesh and blood and knowin that that is your own child, but i supose i have never bin in there position, you can only judge on your own instincts.

ive got a week now till i can move my wrist, its like im waiting 4 christmas, so it looks like im gonna be back at work doing what i want to do, instead of workin with a bunch of fucked up deluded wankers, it makes you doubt your own fucked upness. i didnt think i would meet anyone that was worse than me or anyone that wears make up like boy george but hey! nothing is impossible. . . . but on sunday thats gonna be the end of it!.... thats like waiting for fucking christmas to, ill be wishin ma life away by the end of this. but its ok coz it is the end of it.