# a new 1 #

i wasnt going to keep this blog but i just carnt keep away from it i wanted to write a new one in a differnt way like i hope it will be which isnt the same from my previous posts. its a downwards feeling that erges you to want to write something even if you dont need to,your mind feels like it wants to write something but when the time comes and the page opens up you have no words to type to inform your mind on what it was you were thinking about, but what ever words you do write ease your mind of the burin of wanting to just write something.

these past weeks have felt long and streached, there has been so much going on, and it still feels like its trailing out still, or maybe its because next week is going to be eventful? or i hope it is at least. but its been a few days where i havent been able to bring myself to what its all about. your day seems like its running its course then it changes, not in a few moments but graduly and then it clicks in the small squishy brain that i have, but no matter how much you want the feeling of the part of the day again, its ither darkened or brightened up. its like your life days are days in themselves, you will get the dawn and the sunny parts, then the mid day, then the darken bits when the sun is about to set and it gets a bit darker. it just depends which bit of that it streched out the most over your day. you ither spend your day kidding yourself or kidding someone else, i think its only now again that you actully find a "good" day that is actully a feel good factor.

ive spent the last few nights ither awake thinking of things that my mind wont rest, it really annoys me when you mind decides it wants to have a chat, you roll over, and off it still goes its like them old people at bus stops that like to talk about the weather then go into there life story, then they decide to sit next to you for the full journey, it just doesnt shut up, or maybe its getting me back for how much i talk in the day? well anyway getting back to the point, after my mind finally deicedes to shut up i feel drained in the day, i dont no wether its just myself getting back to its normal routine but what ever it is i want it to charge me back up, i want to be like them durecell bunnys where they seems to have energy to do anything, but instead im feeling like i have had a giant rabbit just clought me over the head and leave a drowsy sleepy feeling into my mind.

finally its my last day in a place thats full of the old communitys locals that drink from the small choice of alcoholic drinks avalible to them and spend more money than a bank manager earns. you would think i would look foward to ending the rigmaral of it but ifact im dreading it more than ever, it feels like there is a cloud over the end of the nights forcast or more like a heavy fog that gives you a dull headache thinking about even stepping out of the door towards the place.

my soul seems satisfied with itself at the moment, for most of the week its felt likes its been having some small stumbles at times, and uncoftable feeling in yourself but all seems well again and it seems patched up from the recent weeks events. it sounds strange as it is but after reading up on pointless information that my brain thrives on i felt better, infact i felt so much better i felt normal, the pointless information about when some volcano erupted or what events happened at some time that for some reason intrestes your mind to an unbelivable stage made me feel clensed, what a weird feeling to think and to feel from reading something that is so unrelated to feelings. your soul is such a strange thing, if i think about it, its your hearts feelings your mind your beliefs and you all wrapped in one, if you servay it, its a jumbled up mess which makes you, and small stupid thing satifiy it, like a voice of someone, a picture or something really stupid.i wonder if it is your soul that goes onto the otherside? or its it just part of it and which bits dont go? i suppose that could be something to think of while i lie awake tonight, or my mind might find soemthing else to talk about.

i feel better for writing this, i dont think its the same as my old ones but i feel like it satifies the blog feeling better.