~ revs ~

ive loosened up on things that i think i shouldnt have, for the things i have gone threw in the short time i have been here tops most things people have done in there whole lives, and on every event... its taught me a great lesson in the good old world and made me wiser in my life, in the two people i am, i feel like i have let my otherside slip into something that has a dark hole and only a small rope for it to grasp onto, ive let it down and not listen to it when its been talking to me, your inner person tells you things that you need to listen to, my gutt feeling is nearly always right, and i keep hitting off, i feel to safe and i need to keep a skin left on me, im not plastic and fake, but my skin has kept me thick and i wont let it drop from me. i have gone to the choice of taking the lower road if i want to, but i shouldnt, i need to keep taking the high road, the road above everyone, the road which is my way, the road people are to scared to take.
im a person that doesnt get scared easy, its like things rise off me and i just dont care, i only get scared for something that i no is serious. i dont no if its got to do with things that i relise along the way? who knows.
the skin really is on its way back i feel wrong for letting it fall off my shoulders, im guna be back from the feeling of sometime runnin on empty, and keep it full. the bullshit talk wont just go over my head anymore, its guna get a go back, like it should do.

i think there is a few things if you look at yourself and back at yourself what you are slightly lacking, things you dont relises until the time is sorta right, or totally not right. people are so complicated, even the ones that appear not to be. some people need to take a step back and relise who they are and what they have, and some need to relise what they dont have.
i think that most of us realise we have alot, we just take it for granted, and i do it myself, i think most people do.

why do people think they need certain things to be happy, i think there things that yeh, you should actully have in your life, but the things should be able to be taken with you to any place and make you feel right, a place doesnt make you feel right, just the things that are there, if the things were taken away the place wouldnt be the place you loved, its the important things that were there ... that you would miss.
when i miss things i feel lonely, i dont no if this is a feeling everyone gets, as im erm, not everyone, simple things cure my 'missingness' simple things like to pick up the phone and hear a voice that you dont even have words to say to, nothing important to say the phonecall was about, just to hear the voice. its not something you can explain to someone, they would think your were slightly stupid, but just the voice gives a comfortness that sometimes you just want for a bit, but im to scared to make them.

everything that has been said to the whole world by people in suits and ties is the truth that has been twisted up, we no its all a big lie but i dont think people care, its entertaining in a way, its something to listen to, and something to keep us all a bit busy, i think everyone has heard about the conspiracies with the 9/11 attack, but i watched a video on google about how they think it wasnt a terrorist attack and tried to show you the ' real ' way it went about.
i belive most of it, for the fact that most of it seems just about right, the way the goverments are with us all, were just little sims to them all that they really dont care about, they have the reasons to do it and think that we dont have a brain to think about how it could have been done if they actully did it the way its ben shown to me, its my own choice to belive what i think happened just as it is everyones, but i really do now think, that mr bush planned it all.
i think were all like lemmings to them, but i suppose like everything were shown by the media no matter if there big or small sources, there will always be a twist in it. i should no that well, but i like to belive somethings are nearly true.

one of my heros seems to be lacking in heroness, im sorry to say. the things that draw someone to be a hero in the eyes you are given are sometimes things that are stupidly intresting. but when they seem to lack in the thing that you admire in them you wonder if heros need a break now and again? i wish they didnt at times as your heros keep you slightly ontop, they give you that little push to give you a bit more insentive in the things that you do. i hope the holiday will be up soon hero.

why is it on certain days things annoy you more than others? you get some days that things that normally dont bother you, then on some days they annoy the fuck out of you and all you want to do is smash it against a wall. i could relate things like this to pmt... but hmmm no its not as extreme, everyone that knows me knows ill take someones head off and cut it up into tiny peices if they say boo to me when i have pmt, but i the days where i feel like things are getting to me in the most irratating way seem to grind on me more than ever. strange but strange.

do somethings make you feel insercure? not major things, just like the odd comment about something that make you a bit funny about yourself? even the most confident people i think have something that make you feel a bit off personed. my most off personed thing is about being fat, its quite a bad thing actully, i hate seeing people like i was ... or thinner than i was. i no ill be back like it, but its something i really dont like about myself. i wish i was one of these people that just didnt like there toes on there body. my self conficence bout it isnt high but i really wish it was.

ive got to complain i think about the price of make up, its an odd thing to say i think.... Benifit make up have gone up in price.... SERIOUSLY i have a problem with it, its rather pricey to start with but its one of the best make up manufactures there is, along side MAC i dont think there is a good enough make up company, i love make up, i dont no why i love it so much, i love it just as much as shampoo, the john freida shampoo is ace, i dunno what it is about hair and make up i like, its odd for a thing like me who likes to get covered in oil and fix bits of metal that makes nice noises to love expensive face paints and hair products i think. but i do, and ... and i dont like the exstortion in price i am going to have to pay, with the money i dont have, i think begging is my last resource for my make up purchases, or stealing with small children and getting them to get my foundation thas going to cost a good 35 quid, i think they should give me discount. what twats aswell as ticket prices going up, now make up. ppffff. john freida you better keep your shampoo at 4.95 a bottle.
BUT infaltion in my hand bag has declind rapidly, its been reduced to 69 spondoolies from a 160. its quite a bit of a drop i say, but what am i going to put in it if the make up isnt affordable : (.

i dont want to work in a mine.