~ keep it real ~

i hate the way it takes about an hour to cross the road in newcastle ... i dont like the way the people are all selfish twats and decided to go shopping with 6 kids all on one pram which is headed straight towards your legs.
i hate most things ... well i do at the moment, i love to think about things tho, i like to tick them over in my mind and think what if? or just have a think about everything, whn you do you always relises things you hadnt before, its good but its also bad, you see that things that used to care about you for everything that you ever did, faded out and now your just a annoying item in there life bubble.

the little purple pill did its job last night and put me to sleep last night, they make you feel heavy in the morning though, your head feels like its resting on your feet when you walk.
i had discussion about bitter people last night with my bitching partner, you crnt be a bitter person if you only do it now and again to people, only if its always there and you do it to people that you no and love, you are obnoxious and a dick head i think if your bitter, but its sad, theres a few people i no like that. i find myself a bitter person at times, but deep down, i no that im not, im not a full timer, im just a part timer, or a temp for a while, i find myself jobless then find another temp job to get back in the bitter swing again, it satifiying, but... i dont like the reciving end of it, so i normally easy up now.
people intrest me alot, but then again i hate them so much, people do so many things that effect others without relising it, i have seen it with my own eyes and mind. people rest themselves on things to keep them going, when really they shouldnt, people pray on the invention of televisions to live, what happens if there is a huge power cut? your buggered then, what are people going to do, all line up to jump of the nearest bridge when they dont find out what happened to pauline fowler on eastenders. why dont they socialise and relises there is more to life than a screen to keep the security feeling. i think i would do ok if there was something like that, my only flaw i think would be my mobile, my bitching partner wouldnt be able to get the gossip straight into my ears, i would have to trek around there as soon as possibe, but its a plus side, i could walk and loose millions of weights from my body, other wise i think i would be happy, people would see what IS actully important in the world and i think the dick heads in the world could be transformed.

ive decided not to waste my money anymore at kick boxing, i have a nice hefty bag at home, that i can just beat the shit out of, its free, and it emptys the anger than people feed me. least that way i can put your picture on it and ill kick you in the face.

there is a strange man that walks around north sheilds, one of the most fucked up places in newcastle, ( its not something i do often ), he walks around and shouts things, he is like them bible people but only he isnt right at all in the head and shouts anything he wants to, he shouted yesterday as we walked past, no one actully cares about you, your going to see. i felt like actully saying to him ... we all fuckin no that no one fuckin cares, your close people dont care about you, they shit on you then smile back at you, i felt like just screaming it in his face, but i didnt, i held it back and just commented to my bitching parnter.

i had my hair cut yesterday, but its erm a bit to short from what i asked for, they always seem to do that at the place i go, i had a different person this time though so i thought hmmm i just say where i want it n maybe she might get it right, she didnt... its now just past my shoulders and i dont like the way it sits, it took her about 2 hours to actully die my hair, what kind of people are they? i think hair dressers have to have no brain at all when they apply for the job its all in the discription of the job, WANTED ... no brains, an air head, and orange face and to much make up, can hold scissors. i dont think i could have gone by myself yesterday though, i wasnt in the mood to handle them all, they way they interigate you about your life, they always love it when me and my sister come in, they make us tea and give us the new magazines that they dont normaly give to people before they have read, i think its supossed to be a privalidge but ... i think its rather sad im only going to get my hair cut, a magazine doesnt entertain me like it would them. they always ask you the usual .... eeeeeeeee and hows your mother? well she is the same as she was the last time you saw her you fucked up bimbo. .... ooooooo hows your love life? SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!.... i really just want to stick the scissors they have in there hands into there eyes and watch them try to look around with them in. i think that would entertain me more than the new ' closer ' magazine that is full of shit that people without a life neeeeed to read to find something to talk about. i got the usual as well but from the ' new ' woman who was doing my hair, in the voice that is all mono tone, and the most broadest geordie slag accent in the world. g'ooooooooooooooood.... eeeee your a mechanic arnt you! ... eeeee i couldnt do thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat i wouldnt no weeeeeeeeeeeere to staaaaaaaaaaaart. well you orange slag, you are correct i am a mechanic and you get a fucking brain and use it. i dont no what the fuck it is about being a woman mechanic up here, at times like this it makes me want to fucking scream, if my sister wasnt sitting beside me i think i would have picked up the can of hair spray that was on the table infront of me and ramed it down ' sherees' throat, wot a fuckin name SHEREEE she isnt a drink, she is a slapper, and she is orange and she need to stick her throat in a vice and let me crush it.my sister saw the look in my eyes and grinned, i think she new my plan, but i just look and sheree and said, thats correct and its not that bad when i have a brain. im proud that i kept myself calm. after the incident, she started it again ... how do you keep your finger nails clean? i glanced at her fingers and they were the skinniest orange fingers with painted ends, i said because i wash my hands and no what a scrubbin brush is, she wasnt getting the hints and started with the classic ... eeee my boyfriends cars playing up. im not going to fix your fuckin boyfriends car for you on the cheap just becuase you have cut my hair to short you dickhead. my sister laughed to herself as again new she saw the anger in my eyes. ill give it to my sister though, she is complete cow, there is no buts and ands about it, she is a cow but i love her, at times she does my head in, she realllly does my head in, but she is great, without her i wouldnt no somethings i do, i think everyone should have an older sister and an older brother, there all great, they keep you right and no matter how you look at it there your role models, when your younger there the people you wanted to be, i told my sister that a while back and she thought is was the nicest thing i have ever said to her LMAO, i dont no how we go onto it but combined i wanted to be like my sister and my older brother. but i have the things i want from them in me now, its like the courses or learning yourself has been complete, and now i am a finished product... im a cow, im violent when i have to be, im loving im caring and i understand things everyone else wouldnt, i like to stick my fingers in wet paint and i think i am slightly mad.

back to it all though, to be honest i feel a bit shit at the moment, im not sure exactly why but i have an idea, i feel a bit lonely and i dont no why ither, that feeling where you just... i dont no! ... you just want a hug and no words its not a hug from the nearest person though. i feel like i crnt trust anyone at the moment, everyones let me down, my dads making me see why my sister left home, he isnt the hero i used to see, he has let me down. my family have let me down, i no i will have probably let them down with things but i duno it just feels like everything now is a let down i dont trust them, i feel like i crnt go anywhere to just feel the safeness where you dont have to have the slightest barrier and for someone to understand you and just... just listen to you without you feeling like you are boring them. what is a close person to you, i think they should be someone who cares about you, someone who will stick up for you when a bad word is said, a listener and a giver.... there isnt may of them around, people are all out for themselves, when they feel like they want a bit of time or attention they come with there hands in the air, but it seems like if i want to... i just get the closed sign. i just want a bit to lean on, but i dont its like im a in a field with nothing there, just more fields, no walls or hedges just fields, its shit. but as per usual, ill hold my head high and hold it back, and put the sarcast smile on that every single person falls for and fill them with the shit that im fine and dandy. people are just total wankers that take anything you say, i supose there not that intrested, so its great stuff.

my farthers decided to pull up half the stairs to put some packin in, i dont think that i can stand the sounds of radio 2 any longer, they talk about the same old shit day in and day out, granny goggings rings up and complains about whats going on in the world or there is some great joke where you have to really ring back and ask where you where suposed to laugh. i think im going to jump out of my window to end this crewl world of radio 2. god bless the nations cotton hair. ive found a new word i like .... sybarite - a person devoted to pleasure and luxury, i think its odd but nice sounding, words annoy me and amuse me, why so many words for 1 thing? words arnt really words there noises we recognise as a meaning, we could make police siren noises and it could mean something about how to make chocolate chairs in another language.

we have a new apprentise at work who is about 18 he is a bit old to be 1 i think but, he is stupid, he let us blind fold him and pin him to the floor, not a wise thing for people like us, we then deicided to rev the engine of the car on the next ramp and move it, we rolled a tyre on his head and pretended that the car was running him over ... he screamed louder than a child with its pasty being taken away, the sad cunt actully thought we were running him over. he then!! .. wot a total fuckin mug, let us put him in about 8 tyres then pressure wash him, the sad twat now has burn marks all up his arms, and on his chest, i think he thinks we all like him.... wot a wanker, im tryin to think of something really good to do to him, i thnk ill have to have a think while i let him make me a cup of tea or send him to the shop, the sad bastard doesnt understand that he dusnt actully have to do it, but he does anyways, he reminds me of a sheep, one of the white ones with the black head, infact .... if taken a picture.



thats him on the right, and im asuming its his girlfriend on the left, he needs a bit of a trim i think. i dont think its wise for him to be at work while im like this, he is going to end up with a car really going over his head the sad twat.

im sick of having to buy things, things are all from the earth so why do we have to pay, its all free anyway .... im going to report everyone to the sun.