~ yeh ~

my biggest all time fear is ... drum roll ..... trust. its my worst thing, and i find it so hard to trust someone, to no what the human race is like, we all no people are horrible, devious, and all round nob heads, no one can say were not because we are... so how can you trust a human? i think its slightly obvious that you carnt, well you can ... but ... i think the now and again people that come along. they do things for you that make you see that there actully ok.
your family arnt a trustworthy thing, my sister is a money grabbing whore and would sell your shoes on your feet to make herself a bit more cash, you find yourself into money and she is your best mate, i dont think its something she can help though, she like money and wont do much for herself even though she has degrees in allsorts but just carnt be arsed to move her ass and get on with a career. i crnt trust her with money, or my stuff, because i no, ill never get it back again, its a bit bad but cracks in familys are major if you look at them properly, my farther is self centred, im not saying it because were a fall out mess, but because i have always known, he likes things his way... and if you dont want it his way, then you go your own way without his knowlege, he would prefur you not to be around. my mother is also quite selfish, she likes the best for herself as most woman do, she would stand on you to reach something a bit better, my older brother doesnt really have a fault that i can see, i admire him more than anyone else in my family, he is calm and a great person, he sees things that other people should and is one of the 1 in a million people, my other brother is cool, but again is a bit self centred, i no that people should look out for themselves, its true and its a fact, but family should do it together, they shouldnt be ... bastards. i am a stubborn cow, but ... i actully do things in my family to help someone else, i would actully put things on the line to make someone happy, but its like a crowbar taken to me if i ask for it in return, i think me and my older brother are givers, the rest of my family are takers and they love it. i dont ... i am starting to see why people dont have anything to do with there familys as they get older ... they relises what there family is like and how much ov twats they are. i have ... and i dont want to be around them. i love them, there my family, but ... i need them out of my life.

i dont think my family is as bad as others, alot of people dont relises what they have, infact they bad mouth something someone else would find bliss. i hate seeing the familys that shout at each other constantly, i used to see a disabled lad with his mother every morning on the way to work, she was so horrible to him it made me want to just twat her. there is no need for it, so why do people do it?

i feel like them science rats, where they put them in places and see how they cope, or like the truman show, im reliseing that this shit hole isnt just a shit hole ... everything else around me is.
i understand some reasons why people jump of bridges round here, i wouldnt blame them.
its great tho, the numb thought of it all has appeared, it doesnt bother me, and it doesnt make me want to cry so much anymore, i just wish i was little again, and didnt no about anything.

life itself its a bit ov a shitehole, the wake up calls hit me right in the face, its more than a kick in the ribs, its like a gud old sledge hammers taken to the part thats been fixed. now its unfixed, and i dont think ill let it be fixed again.