~ crime scene ~

its music!... i no what it is that makes me like how i am, its music! that sounds quite odd doesnt it? but no, really. there is two main singers that give me goosebumps when they sing, there stuff is amazing and the words they sing are well thought of, and understood, there hidden meterphores dont actully click with you until you listen to them when your liein in bed, and you think about what there saying, its changed alot with 1 song, how stupid does that sound? but really, one song has made me relise things about everything who i am, and what i want out of this life. you get them points where you go off track and you get engulfed in something, getting sucked in isnt the right idea and me myself should no this better than anyone. i think this time im back totally on track though, after i thought i had my life in the up and coming months sorted i backed off abit from everything, but after it all went in the wrong direction, i didnt really no what to do, well you dont do you?, but that isnt me, i no its not, im the one that has the back up plan to just pick myself up, i dont mope or dwell in my own depression, what the point in wasting your life doing something you dont enjoy, no one injoys being depressed. i think not having my one and only companion with me has effected me more than ever with things at the moment, a dog is deffos mans best friend, and benson was the best man in the world, dogs no matter your mood, your day, your situation, they still love you, no matter what they still come and give you the big hug you need, the loving you need. but with him now gone .. :( ... its been hard for me to lean to someone, ive been doing the wrong thing and questioning things, but why have i? i dont no myself, but its stopped i feel a fool, but dont we all do things we regret?

im looking into a job in miami, maybe not in my first thought the best place to go, but everywhere on this earth is amazing, we just dont see it, i would really like to go to africa, i would love to do filming with wild animals or something different, something odd? not stamp collectings or snooker, i think i would fall asleep. just a total culture change, miami isnt a total culture change but its different from where i am now, its ... miami. a place people will wow at like most people do when you say you want to move somewhere, if its hot, and has a beach, its wow.
i dont want to leave my main stream love behind me though, i want to keep mechanics in full swing as another job if i can, its part of who i am, and i think without the mucky side, where would my personality be, i think the oil and grease pleases me, they give me the logic side of my life, it doesnt make sense to the reader of this, but i no what i mean exactly, my mechanics have built a side of me with putting up with stupid comments off worthless people, it sorta lets you see the difference with people, you see the true people and you see the worthless ones.
but mechanics makes me happy, it makes me smile it keeps me busy and its a passion.
yeh media is coming up with something speical i think, its a hands on thing, and if i can persue editing like i want to, i think i will be happy. i think its a total different job change, not something i want to really change as much as i want to, but i wish i could combin them both, but thats totally stupid, i think two jobs, maybe a weekend mechanics job could suit me well.

ive got a doctors appointment tomorow morning at 9 im not fussed, but i no there will be an injection, i dont no what it is with them at the moment, i just carnt stand them, i think its when they hit the inside of your body and your mucles or what ever it is touching can feel it, its making my veins feel funny talking about it, ergh.
i guess ill just get it over with and see if i can get a sticker? what happened to the the stickers and lollys you used to get from the doctor? well, i get the point about the lollys, the goverment will be making some fuss about how they encourage children to be overweight so it MUST stop,but the stickers, ... why have they gone, i used to like the shiny silver ones, the were cool, you used to show them to people when you got home, you felt pretty special.

i spoke to steven in iraq this morning, i aint spoke to him properly bar a few emails at the moment, i can tell he is totally into what he is doing, but he knows he is doing the wrong thing, i hate seeing people out there that you care for, my cousin is there 2, his girlfriend has been the most stressed out person i have seen in a long while, i hate the way in this day and age its like were cut off from things we shouldnt be, stevens there till summer and he sounds like they have had enough, but there fighting to get them back. i think shit goes on over there that people dont expect, its asthough at times no one cares about the soliders out there. but they just keep putting them back in, its annoying me, but what can i do? what can anyone do? nothing bar wait until the prats take them out of there.