~ keep it real old man ~

the most sexy voice man in the whole world has got solo stuff! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH its fuckin ACE. he has the rusty voice the sexy rough voice that always draws me in, fuck its good and fuck me, just yeah i love it. Dustin Kensrue, you are a god. its my kind of music at the moment aswell, easy going shit, but its easy going shit that you listen to and think hmmm.... ive been taken in again by his voice he was ace in thrice and i still love there stuff but now mmmm just mmmm MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! look at him.just look! ....

MMMMMMM!!!

ive woke up a bit more aswell, ive sorta got my prioritys back aswell,i understand out what i want a bloke again, i want the type that are hard to find but the one that are worth it. The ones that understand your talk, the ones that you can sit with lookin at the sea and talk about anything you wanted, the caring but yet, manly dudes, the ones that make you feel safe, the ones that if anything happen they could give as good as they get, i think thats more like my own security for that one, but thats a mans job, there supposed to defend, and i want a good man.i want the ones that have the totally daft personalitys, the ones where like myself will do fucked up things for a laugh, anything that makes me laugh ill do, just a sensible but yet, funny as fuck guy. i had one, i had one that made my heart jump at everything, when he gave me a hug it was a feeling i have never felt before. he was the dude that when he was with you didnt look at other girls, you didnt have to worry if the woman beside you looked better than you, you could sit there in a boiler suit and he would love you there and then more than anything around him.

it is the little things in everything that count up, the stupid things he would say that make you feel fuckin fantastic! he was a man, not a faker, the hard ones to find, and now he is gone and i still love him so much, jamie i miss you.

my blogger hasnt blogged... why!! i have to say i am addicted to what they write, its all logic and sense, the shit about how things matter what doesnt, the none negative stuff, hmmm where have you gone dear jason blogger man ... please write some more ..... its good : (

this is guna break me clean in two for saying this, im stooping to the lowest level i think i could and have ever done, actully in anything i have done, i didnt wanna write this that much, it was a head thought more than anything not something to share. but oh well, im gonna say it . . .

the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. maybe im right and maybe i need him, but maybe i dont?. . . i miss steve alot, we have spoke for a few year and now things that were suposed to be on friends terms have gone to, yes no, ok words... i dont see why, if the answer to the questions i asked was just you havent done anything i really dont belive him. if its not MY fault, then why do i get talk like a 12 year old would produce?. i feel like the 18 year of me is sort of being held against me, im 18, not 6, it feels like the repeat of paul in a way. everything i thought was, wasnt. i thought he was the man to understand, care, love and just i dont no be what he always was thought of, he was ace, then it turned into something that i didnt actully think he was, you doubt yourself and just accept it, im not sad enough to dewl in things anymore, im heart broken and i wont push that away, but from what i ' thought' we had, has no effect on him, its as though yeah were through with, bu bi, next please. its not me thats doing his side in it, so i wont judge from that respect. i love him, i love him soo much and im not putting that off either, but i see things alooot clearer than i did a few weeks ago. im still in over my head, but ill be out of it, im a fast recovery person, i think i can thank him for the ending he helped me get over him in the run up. i just hope he can actully come out of the 12 year old talk stage to me, and be normal, we had a laugh so there is no reason why we cant anymore, if i dont want anything out of it anymore. i feel like im older in all this, and i supose when your older you might understand.

im gonna do it on a whim. i think im just gunna follow the line ive been given to walk down this time, to be honest with everyone, this life isnt something that entertains me, thats scary shit but its true, how boring and pathetic is everything around us at times. we cant enjoy what we have in the world because of the politics and shit going on, our own country is going down the pan, well a big well that will also be taxed for how many flys decide to park there asses on it. things are getting crazy people are getting to greedy and the worlds just a mess, man kind will kill himself off, there to thick to relises at the moment that the world WILL heat up and cool down, please could they look at simple things like the lake district, i love the place, infact i might go there sometime soon, but that was all ice at one time, yet it all melted , britain was a desert, it was situated in the southern desert belt, so now we are a wet country with land ect... does this not show you something at all? the earth is a living thing it produces its own gases ect aswell as our own, but i do agree that we do contribute to what is happening on the earth but i dont think we are to blame with what is actully happening... we could help it to speed up some what but erm yeah its GOING TO HAPPEN ANYWAY YOU FREAKS.

everyone on the streets of this country are morons, there either a charva, a one minded businesses prat that doesnt no how to actully get there hands dirty, or there is the small minority of the simple minded people that understand the world everything going on it ect i really wish these simple minded people would bread alot, overcoming the population of morons and maybe we could have a turn around?

i want to fuck off to some place, any place really that isnt bad, but i class america is, hmmm i still fancy south africa at the moment even though i no there is shit there too. i think i might do country hops, i want to see the culture of the world, and i want to see how different parts of the breaking up islands is living. and ... i will.