~ aspire ~

so really who am i ? ... for a while i have left that to be discovered by myself or for someone to tell me, secretly i like people telling me who i am, and what i am, no matter what they say its intresting, i like seeing how people see me, even tho it could all amount to nothing in the end. but yeh, i forget how to decide for myself. but thank the lord, i think i have figured it out, not completely but i think i have done a good rough sketch.
i feel like someone well the woman from the local newsagents has handed me a lottery ticket, but ... not an odernery lottery ticket, a life tickets... and this years winner goes to .... Beverley!
my life has changed as much as a camilion changing colours at the moment, the past few days have been the most up in arms times i think i have had this year. i feel like i could go for a run down the streets with my arms in the air and scream as loud i was capable of.
i think some of it is slightly understandable, my most loved thing that was unjudgementle has left this planet, he had to be put down, the brown furry animal that followed me round like i had steak strapped to my feet. he was great, he wasnt a sheep ( well no he was a dog ...) he didnt listen to all the hearsay that humans do, he wasnt infulenced by what people say or what people think, like humans do, no matter what i felt he was just there, he was a totaly crazy pup and was unexplanbly fantastic.
i miss his small grunts when you poked him to wake him up in the mornin, then you would get a giant paw shoved in your face and the biggest tounge i have ever seen lick your face.
he carnt amount to anyone, i just loved that he was constantly happy, he was the mans best friend a dog people rave about wanting. the feeling of unter emptiness has some what overwhelmed me at the moment, i dont have my dude to come home to now, but enough! B enough!

i found out last night that of all animals, a starfish doesnt have a brain, so come on smarty pants, how does it think? please can someone let my small brain no as now i am wondering at stupid times of the day to how this strange animal which aparently... has an eye on each leg thinks.. so where are the eyes attatched to, shouldnt they be attatched to the brain? god this strange weird animal has totaly stumped me.

i think i have supersized my sights, i feel like my life has been like a cats, maybe even better i may have had even more chances, i feel like i should shut up though which i will after i write this of course. i have come to the conclusion that, love is a brittle madness. but i havent made of lust yet, i dont really like it so i dont want it to take up my thinking space its just a copy cat of love.