~ just cant loose it ~

its snowing again outside, ive been away to london for 3 days and i have had one of the best time in a while, it ended up with just me and my best mate jo going, then i asked andy if he wanted to meet up down there as he was in northampton again, so on the first day, after not actully seeing him for a few weeks and things on a totally different perspective i was pretty excited, but nervous to... i dont no why, its just them feelings that over come you, so 6 o clock in the moring i was up and getting ready to go get the train to london as though i was a little kid getting up for christmas. i got in to kings cross at about 12 and it just felt right, me and andy met up and just had a laugh from then on, jo ended up meeting with a few people she knew and me and andy spent the whole night in the pub chatting and just well socialising, i feel like its to early to get back into a realtionship, but maybe it isnt? instead of him going back to northampton, he stayed back at our hotel, im chuffed he did actully, nothing went on but i duno he makes me feel safe, he has the man front and he isnt up his own arse, he is him he is normal and just well, he just has this calmness about him that draws you in, when i was with steve things seemed a bit odd with me n andy we would talk all the time, he was my best mate, but then i found out it wasnt really just best mates he wanted, i started to think that well blokes as woman always find out are normally twats deep down, but hmmm we just sort of got far to uncomfortable and close, and we just split from friends, he moved out and well i wasnt to happy with it, but i have to say i did sorta like him alot, he is the nice looking one, but its when the nice ones are to nice and you just dont no if there on your scale. but i dont no if its a rebound, but i get that funny feeling inside when we talk now, he makes me feel really safe, we no each other, and its pretty obvious he still feels the same as he did a few years ago.

london was great tho! i dont think i have had a laugh like that for ages, the hotel we stayed on looked onto some flat, we then discovered a man was dancing naked oposite and we found nightly entertainment, i went to the shop across the road and looked up at the hotel, it wasnt just our room that was admiring the weird mans dance.... its was most of the hotel, it was one of the weirdest things but it was so funny, he was spinning doing high kicks and everything and we new that he new people were watching him, he rounded his dance up with drawing a love heart on the window in the steam that he has produced after dancing for a good hour. my mate has it on her phone and it has to go on you tube!. i didnt manage to go to the tate britain, im pretty gutted actully, i really wanted to see the art by banksy the dude of all time at the moment, its just another excuse to go back i think really. its great to be back in the free position though because i can go anywhere i want, you dont have to make sure its sorta alright if you go somewhere, but i think in a few weeks ill go back there, its busy, fast, but when your not a londoner you are intrested in what is there, to find yourself staring at a church that mr shakespear himself attended wrote about and admired it feels like history is actully true and not just a story, with him writing things that poor kids have to learn about world wide and him being a total history ledgend it felt weird knowing that you were really standing where he was, infact i learnt alot in just 3 days, im sad to say but im a freak for history and knowing that the song oranges and lemons was originated because of where i was standing was pretty impressive.

im starting to see again why my sense of humor the way it is aswell, why i find what i find funny and what, i relises what life brings to you now and again and how if you take this world to seriously you will get sucked into somewhere that really you shouldnt be, but if you take a different route make sure things entertain you, not you entertaining them, and youir sorta pretty sorted... and from my point of view the damage is done to what i want it to be, so i think its really time to go.

grrr i crnt seem to get andy out of my mind, i need to figure out what i want, im still not sure about it being so soon after steve, it could be good though, hmmmmmmmm ... please help lol