~ thanks ~

why does blogger have the tendency to delete your blog half way threw, it likes to just close my page down, i think it gets bored of what i write, but i wish it wudnt. the thought that has annoyed my for the past week has still stayed there strong, it has now had things added on, i think it goes round my mind picking up things on its way, but it doesnt look like it could overfill anytime soon. i just want it to stop going round my head and leave exiting from my ear and not to come back anytime soon. should i confront it? should i let on about it? or leave it to pass?.

i am missing mans best friend alot at the moment, i want him to walk threw the doorway with a pair of socks in his mouth and jump on the sofa, i think for the reason of you can feel his love when he is near you, that love that your heart just picks up on like a metal detector, or more like a love detector, and he was full of it.
todays conclusion is . . . . drum roll please . . . . nothing is what it seems, you think and feel that something is there, it was there it was there really strongly, but when its confronted, its not, its just there but not shown as it was, or you want it to be shown, it makes me feel like an idiot, or a child that has had its toy taken away i want to scream for it to come back, i crave it, but its just not given to me, i prevoke it to come back, i make the biggest hints but... it fails to get a response like it used to, it used to get the same back and more, it left you feeling like the sun had touched your skin for the first time in years, but now... its like the sun has gone in and it doesnt want to come out at the moment. oh well ay.... supose its just not up to me is it, i will stay with how i am and try and live off my own.

this mornin was the most fantastic sunrise i have seen in a long time, from the hour and a half sleep i had which really " recharged" me, i decided to just get up and listen to my music and cringe in pain. stomach pains are the worst, i dont mind them n e where else but stomach pains are ... they are the daddy of all pains well this one is. i crnt wait for it to be over, but still at bout half 8 its still going strong!

i had a dream in the short space of time my body actully slept, about jamie and steve, for some reason, we were all going to a restarant, we never actully got there, but it was just the walking down the road to this place that stands out the most. it was a happy and tranquil feelings i felt like i had never felt so in love and as though it was just a happy good feel day. i was walking holdin steves hand and jamie was just talking about stuff that had happened in the day, it felt really real.i think it was becuase i went to see jamie the other day, no matter what time of the day i take a strole along, the feeling of just plain old peace is there, but its has happy mixed in with it, it makes me feel happy and clensed, what a weird thing :S .... but it does, i like it and he listens to me, i used to feel like a tit when i used to just sit there, but when you sit there and think beside him its like he is listening to you, and you sometimes hear his voice in a part answer in your head, but its as though you say it outloud, and as though even tho you dont see him, he could be standing behind a tree sayin SUPRISE!... its more like them confesion boxes in church where you dont see the vicar or preist whoever talks to you!... but they listen to you.