~ nob head ~

i couldnt sleep last night, all my thoughts were going round my head faster than a nascar track and the crowd were throwing things onto the track to make it even harder to sleep. ive got to much to think about at the moment, upon many things i have the man called roddey to think about, well think about no more i need actions, actions speak louder than words huh? well lets hope so. ive had enough of having little and not often calls from him and i think the jelousey has set in with him, but im not really sure, for things that have happened at the moment then well, i thought he would be more caring, more talkative and well made more communication.
he is thick bless him, like most men, and like most woman can always do its not always that hard to track your bloke down when you really need to, then they always seemed puzzled on how you actully new were they were, its simple though there only in a few places or with some people, and them people and places arent hard to get intouch with, its just the person your trying to track down thats hard to get intouch with.
to be honest though, i like roddey but love isnt really coming into it much, its fading with the shity moody attitude that he produces when he is ill .... the man flu or well the pretend cold. but i want to talk to him about it, so apartly were meeting up today at half 2 ... but if we actully do is a different thing ... its really well ... a joke. if he doesnt answer or decides to just egnore it and forget then well ill fuckin go mad, im so annoyed my stomach doesnt want to be fd and the thought of food repulses it, my body is just craving ciggarettes but to many, im getting the cravings that will turn me into a sucked up faced old woman with major wrinkles butthe way im feeling at the moment i dont care. i will care later on though, you regret it afterwards? ... well due to it all i have one thing to thank him for, ive managed to loose 2 stone nearly 3 in 2 months, well done bev ... thanks roddey the no food lark helps to get thin.
even though im up and down with my feelings about him i think the plan im on is on its way to the ground. ive never actully wanted to talk to someone so much with anger but not no what to say to them? ... i dont no were to start or how to word it, is got to the point were im angry over the top, what the fuck am i doing? actully ... i feel like i want to scream and then maybe cry for a short while but it wouldnt be apropriate, it would just be stupid and worthless aswell as pointless ... its quater past ten ..should i ring him at half 12 istead of 2? i think i might have to ahhhh but he wont answer :@ FUCK this is annoying