~ edition ~

a good friend means alot right? .. correct, without a friend i think we would all freeze and cripple up and stay in our cardboard houses for the rest of our lives, there the backbone in our lives, they give you the courage to do things, and they make you admire things in people that you dont relises you admire, people insipre you in ways that are un noticable, but really change your life dramaticly. i did the worst thing i felt was possibly doing at the moment, i did some more singing infront of alot of eyes, eyes are horrible, they look at you in that eyeish way, because they are eyes, but you know that behind them, there is someone there judging you, how you are, how you look, how you sing, what your singing about and how you perform it, fuck its horrible, i just need the confidence, but somewhere in the box ov my life its in there somewhere i think i just have to rumege around for a bit, its like them boxes where you have to put your hand in and you dont no what your going to pull out, only this time, my eyes are taped shut with the strongest duck tape in the world, but i went for it, and i did it. it scares me shitless, but i supose you dont want to no about that, but for the songs i did with liff, i felt, more.... at ease.he has that calmness that only certain people have, the calmness that in all situations would just say, hold on, you can sort it, i think its easier to perform with someone else, you have something like a friend to just sorta have there, its like an uncontrolable force that calms your nerves that make you feel like your brain has parkinsons.
it gets you when you reilise in the things you have writen that it shows what you think and how you feel, and it shows people you, the side of you that you dont want to show, its like they then know you, and i dont like people knowing me, i never have and i dont think i ever will, i can be ignorant and go out of my way to push someone in the other direction and not show them me, or what as much as me i can show out, or just be plain arogant. but on certain lyrics and songs you think fuck, these people know me! ... its like a slap in the dish with a wet fish, its a wake up in a way, but ... its been done and its still something for showin that side that i sorta need to deal with.... but on the whole mr sunshine, i enjoyed it, it was better than last time and i think i might... erm do it again.