~ purple sheep ~

hmmmm my blogger still hasnt writen 1 ... i think they could be dead, or dead busy. there blogs are gud, there about what i like to read about and talk about and its like there is someone at times that sorta feels the same thing so i dont feel as stupid once i read them.
i decided last night that ... the drink was guna make me feel so much better, but i was so wrong i always am, im a beer and larger drinker, im not 1 for spirts, and i was on gin last night, what a big big mistake. after about 8 i couldnt feel my legs/ my sister thought it was hilarious and just continued to flow to me, which in the mood i was, wasnt a good idea, i think if she had thrown turps at me, i would have drank it. why do i always think that drink makes you feel better, instead it makes things so much worse, i then just keep the constant flow of my thoughts running round my head at super speed, then they slow down and i start to think about them in the drunken state you get to. hmmm not really a good idea. i feel like i now have a black cloud over my head, thats been flowing me for a while, and now its getting blacker, im not sure if its full of snow or if it has thunder in it yet, i think im just going to have to see what its going to develop into. i did actully see a good part of the night were i felt pretty gud, there was a shit performer, and with my sister there she egged me on to do something, i still have the fear of what people think, but this time ... i did it, infront people i knew, which is pretty scary, infact i was so scared, ive never done nethin ifront of my sister or john b4, there bad enough, but when your mates are there, its even worse, the lad that was on had a few stuff i new, so i ended up just doin 1 ov the stuff iv did with liff and 1 ov the lads songs, but i totaly changed the song, im sorta happy the way liffs taught me stuff coz its wasnt n e thin like what the lad b4 did or the orginal of the song, and im proud, i am actully really really chuffed with myself, i did it ... and i did it on ma tod, i did it my way and it was different, thank fuck it wasnt in my local pub, and they liked it, they liked it! : o thank fuck, i feel ace!!! lol.

i confronted my sister last night about the things i have wanted to for a while, the things that you want to ask someone but your not sure of if they will take it the way you want them to, the things you just want simple answers for to make you feel that much better in you insercuritys.
in the mood i was things really, couldnt get much worse, and hmm she came out with sorta the right things. i understand the family sistuation more than ever, its always better once you have sorta had a chat, but i dont want my family anymore, there all two faced liers.
i feel like my family are a shit hole, which they are, they make me sick to my stomach when i think of them, and the being on my own feeling has total hmm taken the full front, i feel scared... i dont no why, its not the independent thing at all, i can do all this myself, but its the fact that asthough my family have died... everything we had, we dont anymore, and ive been woken up to it all. i just want to grab my stuff and leave, i wanna leave them all behind, and im going to have to, its something that needs to be done. i just really hope there is nothing else like this coming up in my direction ive had enough of shit in my life, and i dont want n e more. but i supose lifes shit, so how come it always gets dished out to me? ahh fuck it all, who gives a fuck about it. im just chuffed with what i have done : )