~ sea side ~

i love how a place can make you feel relaxed, calm and just totally chilled, for some reason for me the beach does, i dont no wether the fact of the open sea that can go anywhere it wants and the scale of it all makes me love the place so much or if the fact of going there and you feeling totally free adds to it all.
on the photo is one of the places i love the most, the longsands, you can see the busy life of everyone else up on the top but then your just sitting there, quite and you can just think, it sometimes puts a realtiy check on you, but i dont no really what makes me love it so much.
im there nearly everyday walkin the dog but its when its nearly dark and your mind its a bit tired from your day, or early in the mornin when the sun is just coming up and everything is so still, it just has a freedom feeling over me and i love it.

i love the fact that the sea looks so calm yet below the surface things are happening, i love how its so big, how it has so much power but yet it just looks so calm.the noise is so relaxin yet you never think of what its doing to what its touching to make that noise, the way it can hit the pier with such force
i think of odd things, i always have, but i like to wonder where the water has been before it was washing up between your toes. what it has been next ect. its odd but i supose people think of odd things lol.

~ edge ~

somethings you regret doing, and for some reason i want somethin that i no is bad for me again, and i regret what i did about it in the first place, i wish i didnt do it but i had to, i needed to, and every 1 new it was the right thing to do.

how come a place can change your mood, or 1 thought can rock your whole world. why do people have to have emotions that can affect you so much. its the way people are effected by different things to each other, one person can find something to personal or to raw to talk about and someone else can find it just like normal. i supose that when you start to see how people work and if they understand other people.

im a person that not many people can figure out, even people that have known me for a few years still dont no me truely. why? . . becuase i dont want them to, i dont want them to have an easy way into hold me back on anything and its like a security blanket for me, a way to make me feel safe, but really i shouldnt, its stupid and stops me from doing certain things.
it kept my emotions safe, and away from anything that could hurt them, but really im a person that does get effect by things, a person that pretends she doesnt but inside she is.
to show something gets to me takes alot, it will ither be shown for a reason or becuase its built up to much, and thats just what happened tonight, it makes me feel weak inside but i should be able to express my emotions, but i have problems with it and i wish i didnt.
for something that has been on my mind for a while finally built up, but at the weirdest time. i had been thinkin about it but for some reason it just got to me, it hit me like a train and all i wanted to do was cry! i couldnt help it it just happened! i was just sittin watchin tv and it was ticking in the back of my mind then off i went, the tears just fell from my eyes i couldnt stop them! i felt so stupid, as thought i couldnt even control my emotions and it was for something i didnt want to actully speak up about. and i dont think i could have had a hug to make me feel ne better than it did, it just felt nice that there was someone there, i still felt like a moron but i dont no it made me feel better inside, its weird. i no its because i am workin on my feelings, i have been trying so much and i have got to say its hard! but i will get there i will make sure of it.i found it hard to talk about but i did it, i pushed myself so much even though it didnt feel right i just kept doin it, i feel better for it, i never thought i would, it feels like a weight of my shoulders, and i can feel it.
but i no what happened is still there.