~ return to list ~

once again after a while people have annoyed me on the subject of what can you do with your life? ... the answer is anything, nobody belives in themselves instead they belive that they should live in the feeling of being a faliure, a low life and there not worth going further than they already have, but why? .... why do people work in call centres and factorys all there lives or as taxi drivers, yeah its a living but then they moan, ooo id love to have done that.... please can you tell me why you didnt? ... there is no excuse. i have no sympathy for people like that and i never will, getyour self sorted and then try and be happy. life isnt easy, it never will be, i dont need to tell you that life isnt fair, it doesnt care about you or anyone just like other people, it arbitrarily cuts off your air, and everyone really wants to say its ok, and the truest part of our hearts everyone is afraid of life, maybe thats why the get stuck in the same comfort zone, we all fight so hard to hide our fears that we scare outselves, but if your cowardly then it cant apply, the nervous eyes dont want to open to look at the change of life around them, when really your eyes should be craving it all. people any life bug me but i supose it should do, its like a test to really see who its the strongest ... the strongest get the best? .... hmmm im not sure but i hope people kick themselves up the arse to see what they have, and what they could have.

my main goal which is to selfish, but i will do it, is to put myself first, pick myself and self confidence up, make sure i am on the straight and narrow, and then maybe think about someone else later on in my life. i can see to many people around me stuck in there own zone stuck in there bubble stuck in there life wallowing in there own self pitty, self sitty then they love so they make own, if they had a tast of something good tho i wonder if it would sway them to stay on the good stuff, the natural high of life that hmm makes you feel good at times but comes with its downers that are to be expected, i just wish people would wake up, its getting to the point were i want to shake them about and just well, get them told.

~ edit ~

hmm at this precise moment in time i should actully be happy, i should be happy im rid of something that makes my moods angry and my temper like a bear, i should be happy with the job i have just recived but yet im not with both of them, the job thing has bored me and im sick of working 11 till 7 in the morning, my body clock seems to be stuck in a warp that doesnt no what to do with itself, its like its awake then asleep in the space of about 7 minutes. the angry situation i am actully wanting back, im addicted to something that isnt good for me, and because it isnt good i want it, but yet its doing me no favours, maybe things in this life were really set out to be as strange as possible and the only way to resolve the problems is to recive more? with out more then your life wouldnt turn? ... hmmm i wonder.
my head seems really heavy, maybe the reason for it because actully it is quite heavy? or that the lack of sleep and knowing my friend is coming round at any time means more sleep deprevation, which isnt good. i think i might stay in tonight at watch some shit on telly, or maybe see if the source of my anger would like to do something tonight, which i supose i no the answer will be no, then ill spend all night thinking about him, and feeling like my apotite has disapeared and that im worrying about something that im not actully sure about. strange seems to be taking over my head, actully crazy taking over my head. infact fuck it, tonight i think i might even go and knock on him and make him come out. fuck love hurts.

~ garden pea ~

it was my birthday yesterday, the big one nine, wow. im not shocked infact i feel like it should be 91 istead of 19, but i supose it just means more time to waste on the planet we call earth and discover more and more things until my days are up. i didnt want to actully do anything for my birthday i just wanted a laugh, and a laughs what i got, for the handful of people that i can call true mates we stayed in round my mates with some smoke and drink and played the x box, you dont relises something like that an be great after hectick times, its like a breathe of fresh air, it was a right laugh and im happy we did it, .... but presant wise, wot presant could be better for a smoker than a smoking ban? thankyou you arseholes but dont worry ill over come it and find something else to do at least smoking weed was band in the pub but its not in my own house, my own house is now selling refreshments like john smiths and carling, and people are flocking from miles around just to have a fag and pint .... a dream we all now wish could happen all the time, but no, its distant dream.