~ shh ~

Right, what would you do if you had found yourself someone stunning, nice body, features someone just really nice? ... well i found one, but i relised it wasnt what i wanted. how much does someones personality stand out to you? his didnt, he seemed bland and boring, he didnt have anything in the slightest a bit intresting to tell me, he just seemed to have riding in common with me, and there is only so long you can talk about riding for. so instead of just waiting it out, and doing what i would normaly have done, i packed it in, and left it, it felt good to, but at the back of my mind what the thought of, personality. you could be supermodel looking, body and looks but without a personality your nothing? ... i dont no if thats just me, but i would prefur someone that i found intresting, someone i clicked with straight away that i can have a laugh with aswell as a serious converastion and no at the end of the day they understand me, unlike this dude. i found myself more intrested in thinking about what other people where up to, if the pub we were in had got new curtains, or if my hair needed a cutting, not really something you should be thinking about when your suposed to be on a date really is it? ... i think it proves that being on your own until the right person comes along is great, its something i think ill have to keep up until i no the right person is here.

~ take a vacation ~

i think im getting back in the routine to blog everyday, i wrote one last night and now ive got an eurge to just write something again. have you noticed that the path that you never chose has really chosen you, what you aim for you normally get totally different, not all wrong but in small but important things in your life, and in some cases all around. i wonder if its just a trick to keep your life exciting and to belive in yourself? so you dont expect what is going to happen next, because if we new what was to happen next then we wouldnt be very, ambitious? im not sure, im looking to deep into something that really has no answer. but thats my problem, it doesnt have an answer, but i want to no the answer because i dont no it, so please answer with an answer that cant be answered, are you still with me?

i decided to go out riding again this morning, and at 6 in the morning there just a few cars on there way to work, baby rabbits are out the birds are singing and you can tell what kind of day it will be, a one where the sun shines hot, everyone has a smile on there face that seems to bring people together, and the day becomes a good day, but a good day is never really spoken about, but if its a bad day, you will sure enough hear about it before anything else, again ... why is that, why do we talk about the bad things first and forget about the good things? its asthough there not as intresting to us, people would prefur to hear about how you had fallen down a 300 foot well and broken your coller bone, shattered or knee and now have no spleen that to hear about a great day out with someone, or someones child being born, were all really disgusting and crude people, we lie and we cheat and we are horrible people, but most of us love each other for it.

have you ever needed to tell someone to leave you alone? but really mean it? well for all you people that have that problem but it seems to be persistant, use the words that seem to work, the only words that seem to work, fuck off. there is no other words that mean the same, go away, leave me alone, dont bother me again just dont work, you need to be more blatent, or you could give some tugs on heart strings, but i think fuck off sums it up all well. the act of love seems to get you into situations that your not really pleased about a few months down the line, but can it just only get better? i think maybe ive just tempted fate to make it worse.

my ears have developed a passion for the accoustic gutair, maybe because im getting ok at it now, i dont no what anything means but my fingers make the tune and i no if its right or not, music is a gift to all of us and i would love to meet someone who didnt like music, id make them listen to it for the rest of there life, every style and beat there brain would be flooded with sounds.

back to riding though, ive stopped talking about it for a bit, the times when it got to the point where i thought i had stopped fully, but no alas, im back on the things that seem to give me goosepimples when ever i hear an engine starting up, the things that seem to make me feel like a totally different person, the best hobbie in the world, with it being getting close to summer and to the jumping season getting nearer, jumps are now being built with the jcbs, the machines that seem to help us dig faster than about 30 people with a spade and a passion to hit some really good air. technology seems to help you out at times. i hit the tracks and the jumps this morning and felt this summer is gonna be one of the best for it, more people seem to have got serious about it, so it means more compitions for me, out with the scummers and in with the pros id say old chaps.

~ baa baaa ~

springs here and everyone knows it, its the smells of fresh cut grass, the birds are all singing and for some strange reason i always seem happier this time of year, sun is none stop and my skins becoming a bronzed body again, the sun does great things to everyone and everything, but with spring as it is, then it only the humidity of the sun and the airs scent that can make even a blind man see where he once belonged.
a few days ago it was earth day, i bet not alot of people new that, they will have been to busy helping drop litter and contribute to what we think is making this planet dangerous and heat up... i personaly think thats bullshit, the earth will always heat itself up as it is now, and cool itself down, just like one of my favourite places in the world the lake district proves, with giant moutains covered with lush green grass and trees that are centurys old, with lakes that seem like they have been randomly placed but hold breath taking views, this place was once a giant glacier, but now, as nature intended, its melted away leaving the scree on the side of the mountains and gigantic pools of water from what was once there. natures an amazing thing we need to stop and look at, but we as humans think we know what going on, can we even predict the weather correctly?
i agree that yes we are contributing to the earths carbon gases, but please can you tell me what would happen if the earth decided to erupt a volcano, or maybe two, it would more than likley produce more gases than we are, and this is what the planet is making itself, so if it can deal with years of eruptions from its own causes it can deal with the gases that to the earth are so weakly produced, its not an exuse for us to carry on the way we are, but hmm, we need to relises where not actully doing as much harm as we think we are. its all goverment run, its there plan to keep us under the thumb and give them more money.

im due a date with the dentist, someone that i have always hated since i was younger, i cant remember the age but i remember the time and the place, sitting in the dentist chair i heard the dentist say, we need to do an operation to remove your eye teeth before they come in properly, to a teenager i was, this was one of the most horrific things i had heard for a while, i froze and tried to emagin it was all in my head, this man covered with a strange micheal jackson germ sheild was telling me he wanted to get in my mouth and rip something out that was mine.... i wasnt pleased about it, after all they were mine, no one likes things taken away from them, but he did it anyway and a trip to the dental hospital occoured, so off i trundeled with the dreaded gut feeling holding my dads arm so tight my knuckled where white. the next thing i knew my name was called i was changed into the flattering hospital gowns and made to lay in the hospital bed as they knocked me out, with anithetic, not there fists.
the next thing i remember is waking up to see a man with blood all around his face being carted into my ward, that was petrifying, i knew my face looked like that and i couldnt see it, or feel it. after getting home i relised that well, the hosptial had given me what was rightfully mine back to me, my teeth in a brown bag, how nice. but they hadnt given me the right to eat, with stitches in my mouth i couldnt eat anything other than jewish penacilin ( chicken soup with parasetimols ) for a good three weeks. now, with a due date of a cheak up and now 1 of my teeth hurting a bit im worried this nightmare could happen once again, i think its just my mind on overtime again, but i am thinking of canceling, my thoughts are night are starting to get worrying, i hate the dentists.

im working on palate discipline i am, but my problem is i cant help myself, i eat the things that appeal to me that are good, i eat the veg that i like, i drink copius amounts of water but when im not, im slurping down coffees, eating free samples, chocolate ... forget it im not good with it. food is really a total sexual experience for me at the moment, with no boy pal around what else is an orally fixated girl to do, belive me im sending signals out there to find me the right kissing partnet but all im getting back is ice cream and cookies.
its now midnight, and well the chocolate i consumed about 2 hours ago is wearing off, my eyes lids are closing one at a time and im fighting with them to keep them alert but i think im failing.
i think ill dream of things that dont include dentists, well ill try to anyway.

~ bold ~

if i had no money would you still call me hunny anyway,
if im less of papers would you come and tell me whats goin on today,
if im on downer would you still want me around you anyway,
and if i buy the drinks would you meet me at the bar at eight,

coz i no, its a lonely life,
i no its a lonely life,
hey i no its lonely life,

if im lookin tired would you tell me that im lookin alright,
if im feelin wired you you sit with me and stay up all night,
if im comin off the rails would you keep me goin straight,
if i called you hunny would you still miss my money anyway,

coz i no, its a lonely life,
i no its a lonely life,
hey i no its lonely life,
hey, i, i dont want a lonely life,

if i was a wild bird would you let me outa ma cage,
if i was paper float could i ride in your parade,
if i buy the drink, if i buy the drinks,
would you come and meet me at the bar, ive been waiting all day,

coz i no, its a lonely life,
i no its a lonely life,
hey i no its lonely life,
hey, i, i dont want a lonely life,

if i had no money would you still call me hunny anyway

~ n power ~

can you come can you help me to dry,
come and help me to dry these eyes of mine,
can i see you for just one last time,
before you turn and leave with no good byes,
my breaking heart, its fall apart,
when i get close, to light in your eyes and the truths and the lies ,
and say you can do this no more ...

goodbye see you sometime sure you will be fine dear
but if im alright why do i feel like im alone,
and when i call will you be here its only a life line,
oh were do i go were do i go, its man over board,

can you come can you help me to die,
come help me to tell this world goodbye,
can you come can you help me to die,
coz without you here my days will sure be nights,
my beating heart, would surely stop

~ cup holder ~

silence is great .... when ever i am putting it forward. ive deicded yep that this is it, no more contact to andy until i have to, the human brain of mine seems to have had enough, and all the talk of this dead person makes me think of jamie, its annoying and bringing me back to the place i was a few years ago, i feel like its just happened again, i think its because i am seeing raw and powerful feelings again,the feelings a person produces to everyone around them, its more sorrow misary and thinking and knowing in your heart your not going to be able to see them in the same way again, people cope with it in so many different ways, different ways no one will understand, even if you have had it happen to yourself, thats why i supose people are all so different but yet so similar, we all have the same things... but we are all wired up differntly.
its like i am seeing myself again through him but not, ive even with one of my other mates passing away i didnt feel like this, i felt hmmm more mellow but upset, this feeling is like jamie has just rang me and said ill see you never ... never. never is such a harsh word if you use it in the right way. its an impact word ... NEVER. i cant say that though, as i said in my last blog ... you will see them again, you can conect with them, and i really think im going to have to make an effort with things. im sorry for letting you down in support though andy, i supose well, your doing my head in, harsh words i no, but im getting the backlash of my past and its not pretty, i think you will have more mates that can help you out better than i can at the moment, i would prefur to sit with some alcohol and drown my sorrows thinking about things, the last things and the things i shouldnt think about, the things that make me unhappy and sad, that make me cry like last time, and why, all because i saw sorrow and misary from loosing someone in someone elses eyes, it feels like my memories of someone like jamie are to precious and there fading with time, and i dont want them to. to much is coming back and the more i talk to you about beth the more it seems to hit home about jamie again, i can never truely get over him, ive now noticed that, after all the times i thought i had, when something like this comes along it makes you relises that no, times isnt much of a healer for things, not for the important people.
yesterdays are strong and have to be rememberable, if you let them fade away into nothing then there left behind. but i still have the horrible bloody mess of jamie imblazind in my mind, it burns into my mind as though im looking at it right there, nightmares seem to occur more and more becasuse of this, and it shouldnt, i supose its my greaving isnt it? maybe i didnt greave right? or maybe i still need to... or this is right?... what ever it is i dont feel right off it.

the weight of my heart gets heavy at time, to heavy and i want rid of it, i think i spent a while likeing andy, i spent along time thinking he was nice but i did nothing about it, why would i? im not a pest and i wont be, i didnt even let him no, but now its come to a mutal feeling towards me, i dont want to no, its typical isnt it, its a normal life story things happen in the oposites and reverse. i think this all just needs to go down in this and some lyrics. i think its the best way to deal with it. i dont want to bore people with my problems or thoughts i think there more personal than anything else. instead i want to pick myself back up, relises this isnt the end of the world and start to laugh again .... i hate feeling shit, and i feel shit for leaving andy alone like this. maybe i shouldnt?

~ peco ~

is it just me or are the mysterious kinda people the ones you always seem to get drawn to, maybe its because you just want to no more about them, where as the majority of people seem to be pretty open about everything and not relises it, the mysterious kind seem to lead to you paths that you dont expect ... there good paths though, no matter how you look upon something its teaching you a lesson, its telling you something about life itself and how it works, you have control but not much.

do you yourself belive in the presance of people you loved after they died? ... do you actully belive that they can come to you and well, see you, talk to you and comunicate with you? most of you dont, alot of people are to simple minded and decide to just carry on with things that are truely beliveable, istead of trailing there brains through a hard think or even beliving an experience.

for years now my grandad has come to ' visit' me... belive me if you like, dont if your simple minded, but he has come to see me, he comes in the form of a dream, the dream where we walk round his home area talking like good friends and we both seem to know whats going on in my life and what could be thr right thing to take to proceed in the best route possible for me, but when i first started getting these i didnt no it was my grandad in my dream as i was to little to remember him, he passed away before i got old enough to remember him, but with my mother showing me a picture of him, i relised it was my grandad that was attending my nightly dreams when i woke up in a daze, slightly confused but i felt refreshed and alive and ready for the day ahead, which normally isnt common, i normaly wake up and cant be bothered to remove myself from my bed.
ive always seem to look on the paranormal, which i dont really think you could put this into that catogory, but ive always looked upon the passed away peoples presance as well, normal, why my mother having what you could call a strong connection with things like that is sort of been acceptible to me, but when you see people that you no for a fact are not with us now then it seem to hit home a little bit, i shouldnt really call them people that arnt here with us anymore, i supose they are really, they watch over us and help guide us to the right things, or there stuck in there past and need to get out, no matter what there doing they seem to come back. so really we must live on ...
my grandad isnt the only person that has come to me, jamie has appeared when i was in hopsital, i wasnt off my face and drugged, but i was scared and on my own, he seemed to just put me straight with just being there, he wasnt there for long but i felt him everywhere, for the rest of the time there i always felt him with me, and the comfort feeling is unbaliveable, its something you cant describe but you can be thankful for.
for having a dream last night involving my grandad it got me thinking alot about, well why is it when someone passes away we can talk to them, we can welcome them into out thought and prayers and spirit? .... we feel there spirit is then free, it can do as it pleases, as thought they couldnt when they were in there human form, its asthough there everywhere, and we are then trapped in our limited bodies. why havent i sat and thought about my grandad and jamie for like i have been at the moment, its like a because they dont have a mobile phone anymore we cant talk to them, but really we can in our thoughts just like a phone, and really you no that there listening to you. its as thought death granted them omipresents, but no it didnt, it was really me who failed for so many years to make comunication on eitherside, just becasue there not in body form doesnt mean there not still with us, its because the stuff that makes us, the us we are keeping us active and alive is busying keeping us in what we could call mundane tasks, this doesnt mean we are limited to being just us.... really we are unlimited!!! ... when you dream you dont escape the things of everyday, can we not use our emaginations to soar above the skies to tell people things we might be afraid to say to there faces? im starting to expericence that what i can only sense as the universe is conntected to everyone and everything, were really all not alone and some how were all connected in a way, people try to teach this to people but yet i feel like i have found it and understand it.
prayers are for all spirits really, those of us still walking around and thought of us flying high lending our engerys to new things, if the word prayer has confused you by its religous connotations, use anothere words like, wish, or meditation, actully, dont define it in fact. al it is is a positive thought coming from your true nature.
life is a miracilous occorrence, billions of years had to go just t plan to produce you and i, weather had to remain stable long enough and short enought for us not to get caught in a freeze or a violent explosion, the evolotion of modern human some 200,000 years in the making had to go accordingly and it is still now, what a fantastic mistake we are if we were an accident in nature, but so be it, i am what i am, this is what it is, and life workds in mysterious ways, fiving life love or just delivering the mail at just the right time to make up apperciate the magic, each of us is responsible for the ripple even if we never leave the house or do much, but be grateful, your family and your past and presant aswell as your future depends on it.

if i could only make some people see what i am on about, i supose words i ramble on about is just for my own good and my own concious, other people, the simple people dont understand or click to the values of life and the things we are graced with, but people like andy, you need to relises things thats going on around us, you dont loose someone, you just loose a form of them...

~ internal ~

my mind clicks to things in stupid moments, i think the most important things click now and again and make you open to what is actully reality. how long has it really taken you to get over someone? ... truthfully?... i feel slightly guilty for the relationship that i have just got out of, it wasnt really long ago that we split and i feel like im over him already, well i no i am, he wasnt something speical, so i guess it means you really do no when someone is the RIGHT person, if he was anything superdooper then maybe it would take me much longer? ... but i was already ready to jump into something else when we broke up, bordem got the better of me with it, so its so easy for a human life, a whole world in one body to be so unimportant to you, something that you can replace with the next person thats walking by... it doesnt seem right does it? that you can take something just like yourself and not be bothered much by it? ... at the time of it you think the sad things when you break up, but after a not alot of time you relises that person wasnt someone that seriously did it 4 u? ... i think i write about it alot, which i think is because the more things go on the more i relises i didnt actully LOVE him, it was all just something to waste my time on and the first inital crush feeling that takes over everyone in a realationship.

just like the thing that is going on at the moment which i dont even want to class as going on, isnt something that i feel is right, if you dont like them really from the start? why will you at the end? it doesnt feel right, i think next time im going to make sure that i feel like i actully click properly .... maybe ill just not have anyone it saves alot of time doesnt it?

~ apple soup ~

i feel like i havent really had much to say, but ... once again ive found something to talk about, america, its an amazing country, its full off different cultures, people, weather and its got some of the best things in the world thats part of its floating island. but ... to every good thing there is a downfall, the country is over crowded with fat people that are so gulable they make things to sell to each other that are usless and over priced, they have the most stupid president in the world apart from tony blair, ... mr bush, who thinks he is better than you all, heis someone that makes me want to vomit violantly, if you were this man could you live with yourself? could you put someone and so many people through so much for what? for your own personal decissions that dont even need to take place, familys are torn apart, people cant see there farthers or children because this man who loved a drink and some other things is now running a country, and sending inocent people to get killed, this man doesnt no about anything, he doesnt no what its like to get up in the morning in a normal world, to see what someone is doing to your country.... and the world. its not just his country it has effected, its britain who has been brain washed by this man, and the rest of the world is now suffering because of it, i think we all know that the 9 11 distaster was caused by bush, not some terrorist. why do that to your own people? why hurt them? because it gives him what it wants, and he will do anything to go out of the way to do it, how could you hurt so many people and do that? .... what a wanker i say, someone should dispose of him.... maybe in a shredder, or hmmm why dont we chop him up and feed him to the pigs? ... what ever we do we need to get him out of it all ... but i supose we will just get another fucker to do the same thing? ... we will slowing actully maybe soon, blow all of us up to suit someones wants. its about them and themselves.

hmmm i feel better for saying that ... it just makes me angry that this world that is really fucking beautiful is now going to be just blown up by just a number of people that think they call the shots, no one does and soon we will relises that mother nature is more than a wonderful thing, and will as usual come and destroy what man creates... i wish she could sit down and have a quite word with the people that think they own this world ...

~ who is banksys ~

hmmm right as i seemed to be more than inlove with the work done by Banksy, i really did want to no what he looked like ... so there is two pictures of him, well two suposed pictures, one seriously scares me, as he is ginger and he looks like he should be in a farm, or even in a freak show, but the other seems to come across as a normal today person standing with the legend damon from blur, so im hoping that the second one is the truth, why would you want some fat skanky person behind some of the best art of the era?maybe thats why he keeps himself like that tho? aswell as he will probably get banged up in prision for the amount of vandalisum he has causes to the goverments shity streets, i think i would prefur a banksy peice at the end of my street instead some of them plastic plant pots supplied by the counicil with some tatty plants in that are half dead, wouldnt you? ....

this is specimin number 1 .. please lord dont let this fat, alcoholic farm looking man be him.

and here are the other ones!! ...

i bet these wont even be him, but i find the second one more belevible!

~ stand here ~

its taken me alot of today finding something that i shouldnt have lost .... here it is, its saved twice in my computer . . . .

~ vapour ~

grrr ... my computer has decided to die on me today, so it wiped everything i had writen, i had actully written something good and productive to myself, so im going to see if i can get the same things down as i did before... but i no it wont be the same as before ...

isnt independance great? do you remember when you a burden to someone, someone had to look after you, you had to tell them what your doing that day and night, have to agree with them when you really didnt want to, abide by there rules... but when you got to a certain point in your life your independence developed and you could cope on your own, you were like a bird from a nest! ... but no seriously, im starting to apreciate once again what i have, i have more than most people by far and i take it for granted at times, i have a family that are one of the best, we suport each other and seems to sort things out even when it gets to rough, but with that your indepence sores, its more like it gives you more confidence to just get out there in life, i have been ' out there ' for a while but its now with doing something big again... that i am seeing what i am doing, and im good at it, im apreicating waking up in the morning to even clouds that are full of water waiting to pour down on me, and i love just being here. why waste you time on this rocky and watery planet, your not here for long so take in what you have and make the most of it, and if you dont like it ... do something about it.... lifes to short to be grumpy.
i seem to say that alot, but its something im passionite about, its something that i hope i will never stop beliveing in.

i think i might end the happy note ive just produced myself to feel though, what a contridiction.
my fones remained in the off position for about 2 or 3 days only to a selected person called andy, it wasnt hard to understand who it would be, but he is getting to close to understanding me for the real person, the person that feels things and he knows what gets me down, and what effects me, and that scares me, just like last time, so my way to deal with it, is to cut it off, its not big and its not clever i no, but well its the way i cope, and it makes it easier for me to just walk away, it feels like its something he wont expect, but yet i think he will no ill do it. im using the same exuse as i used on other people, im giving the my fones broken, or i have no credit when im blatently on a contract fone with unlimited texts. i feel guity for it, i think i really do come across and out as a cow, maybe i am deep down? but i dont belive myself to be, i belive myself to be someone who doesnt want to upset someone so i ride it out on there emotions, then i relises ive done to much wrong than good, just like with steve, i didnt love him at the start, i couldnt be arsed at all, it was something that entertained me, something that you shouldnt do, but i did, but you learn from your mistakes right? no matter how big or small they are?
ive only ever loved one person from the start of something, it felt special and sort of right, not like the times like paul and steve ect ... they felt like there were just people who took up my day time, the time where i had nothing to do, hmmm .... im feeling myself hating myself for what i have done, but im sorry, i didnt want to hurt them but in the end i always do something to make it not work, i supose it wasnt like that with paul, as it was a relationship based purely on him with his control, that which yes, it taught me something about life, what people are like and what they will do to get it. changing your ways seem easy when you relises your mistakes.

it seems to make song writing so much better aswell, you write about so much more and your feelings seem to just get jotted down on some paper while being brought out to music on a gutair, it comes out to other people as music but to yourself its your inner self and feelings being told, something that you wouldnt produce in any converstation no matter how drunk you were,
music seriously is something you cant live without, and song writing and music at the moment to me is something so importnant, i have my own style i do my own things, no one is rubbish as we all like our own music, we have to have open minds, open minds make us see more of whats going on and understand things that little bit more.

ive just finished one about andy .... i didnt mean for it to be about him... it just developed into one, i think im going to have to fone him to apologise, but then again, i dont want to, i seem to have this nevous feeling in my gut, maybe he knows what im doing, i hate him knowing me to well when feelings have been tossed about like a salad. im sorry for anyones feelings i have stepped on, i think its my own problem of not being able to trust someone that it releys on.... so its no ones fault but my own.


so this time ive decided not to do what ive done in the past, ive decided to opt out, say no and mean it, and stand my ground, ive had missed calls and texts off him but this time, well the fone is going to stay in the off postiton to him, and the broken position,

~ look new ~

why does milk coat your mouth with a mucus after drinking it? ... is it made by the cow, is it a revenge because we take it from them? maybe its like the cravendale advert where the cows want it back, so they have made the after affect not to the best standards. i love milk, but not the after effect. maybe it could be a new product? non mucus milk, its got a ring to it ...

i have a black finger nail, its not because i have hit it or anything, its because i died my hair last night and well, the glove was pierced, it was a dramtic moment, i looked down at my hand and relised that it had been standed the blackest of black, im now left with a scar from the event .. a black finger nail ... im waiting on the comments ill get and im thinking of a good story to come up with. dieing my hair isnt such a good story.

ive ordered some stuff of a website ... but hmmm the thing is everytime ive registered an account ... it somehow isnt working when i log in again .... its doing my head in now, ive ordered a splendid jacket that is goingto take 8 days to deleiver, 8 days is a long time in my book ... to long really.,.. but i cant seem to track my order becasue it wont let me in my acount... and they wont reply to my email in a fast responce due to high quanity, i should have known.... how shit is technology these days? ... what wank shafts.

im off away again .. but i dont think this time it will be luxumberg, i think its somewhere new, how exciting ...

~ long distance and over time ~

what would you describe a crush to be? ... maybe it could be certain that when you get the inital ' crush ' feeling you no it will never work out properly, but maybe im wrong. since hmmm last summer crushes in my life have accoured quite abit, i supose there harmless and i think every human being and even other animals such as ants and bees will have them. it did make me feel a slight bit horrible ... maybe it was because i was attached at the time, but the attachment wasnt very exciting, so my mind wandered to something a tad more intresting and well ... have a better fun factor. yes, i no ... please stop thinking im a cow... but when it gets to involved its to hard to get out. but alas im out of there now and im back to being well semmy single, no ill take it as fully single. and it seems that the crush feeling has returned. but like all the last times, i will keep my mouth closed and let the feeling wave itself away but ill injoy it as it happens.

i like how life has no rules, on loves and fears that you will come across in your life, no one knows really why we are here, and what the actully point is but we have figured out so far that is based on having experiences, we all get to have well hmmm sort of a wonderful time, even if its limited to dance and play out here on the surface on the earth, on the side of the rock, and thankfully, were not not sliding down to some bottom or being flug off the side of it as it spins and do - si dos around the galaxy, when was the last time you sat and thanked gravity for the rain or sky diving? ... the wonderful time is obviously introduced in so many different ways across the plains our parents and theirs before them set into motion where you would dance and how you might do it. from early on we became conditioned beings.

we are water and light and that is all this is why the dawn of spring moves us so flowers are nothing but water and light our food is solely water and light, granted you don't eat processed food in shiny and noisy packages. according to the human genome, everyone on this planet is 99.9% identical. only the slightest variation in our genes makes us appear different. we even rock the same chemical happenings in us as a banana. so even more specific, consider yourself in the tribe of the living the next time someone asks what you are or where you're from. using a town name or a race description is entirely political and is no longer needed. you are light.

so when you're out there this new season, making connections, sending love, experiencing rejection as well as romance, look to others with your light and welcoming gratitude and appreciation, and see them as doing the best they can with the light they've got. and maybe throw them out a smile.