~ wooly jumper~

it seems like im getting what i think i want out of life, maybe i am? maybe the chances everyone takes for granted are actully the chances that need to be taken. im sick of the feeling where your caught between something, something you want and something you need. i supose people get caught in things like that often?. im not sure.
i got the job, the job that is suposed to now get me into the media world, the world that i now think i want to be in, well no, infact i do want to be in it, i love to edit and i am going to do it, like i said last time, if i want something so badly, ill get it. i dont see why people arnt so ambitious, there all so snailed away in there houses, not wanting to change there outside life incase of danger, or something there not to familier with. but im sick of the familier things, im sick of not having a risk of even something stupid to take, why live you life so rediclous? your here once, make the most of the things you have, i supose you wont be able to really do it again will you?.
i think the weight loss is going well, infact its going to well that im gunna have to slow it just a tad. i want to be thin again, its another one of the ' i am going to do it' things.

Why do people moan about there partners, they seem to find there faults pick them apart and base things just around them. men dont really do it from what i have come across, until i discovered mike at work was sick of his girlfriend ... we all get sick now and again, but apartly he is sick of everything, he is sick of the arguing, he is sick of the bickering ect. so why the fuck are you with her? stop moaning do something about it and find someone that remotely makes you happy... there hard to find, but get looking the longer your with her, the less time you have to find the one you will actully want to be with.

have you ever said something you regret, some words that sort of haunt you like a bad dream?
you dont mean them yet they have come across so strong you dont no what to do about it, if you talk about them again then well, you could be doing the wrong thing totally. shut you mouth i supose ill tell myself, i just wish they were a stranger i could disingage.

~ how to ~

i dont think the back stabber is much of a back stabber anymore, i think i may have been decived by what had been going on, music is now totally being something main in my life, something total different from what i ever thought music would be, maybe i was wrong about things, and maybe now, maybe at this time i wake up to the right things.Liff ... i could then follow with alot of things, maybe i could tell you about the money schemes, maybe i could tell you about how hegot me into this and if he hasnt then i dont no what i would be doing right now if it wasnt with music, well i know myself but i would prefur not to say.the fray do you no who they are, well i didnt, i didnt have a fucking clue, but liffy baby foned me and told me that his mate who does alot of PA stuff here has got them over in Feb, this month to me seems like its going to be one of the best ever this year. but . . . wait for it please . . . they have heard stuff from liff because of his mate, i dont no his mate but i think its time i did. and now they said when there here they wanna meet with him, how ace is that? not very if your a stuck up nosed bastard : ) ... but i listen to there stuff this morning and they seem pretty cool, not to mention one of them is fit as out. but liffy baby has asked if i wanna be there when they do, so i didnt say no when i say a tasty man, so yeah, im pretty chuffed about it, and it sounds stupid but hushed music gets into some good places. i suposes everything was hushed at first right?

im really suprised how things have been at the moment, ive seemed to taken an addiction to starbucks coffee, but not something that hmmm would be classed as normal, im having with drawl craving for it, i woke up this morning and needed to be able to taste it. i dont no if its some kind of drug there planting into ther coffees, but its something about them. i think im going to end up sitting in town, stuck in there sofas with a book and coffees on tap. i crnt really go to the new one anymore, the one that me and joanna would go to just because there was a nice dude that took your order, because, the blond tree stump drop here coffee which went all over the floor, it managed to get a womans coat and peoples shopping. i couldnt help but laugh and nearly dropped mine for laughing at her, as you would expect she doesnt want to go back there, but its really a need to go back, she will come round to it, im sure she will. if she looks in the window she will be drawn back. she seems to be amusing me to much at the moment, i went to the airport yesterday to get my tickets, and she fell over infront of the irish crowd, thanks alot joanna. there irish, there suposed to be thick, but they talk nice, least she incouraged them to talk and someone helped her up as i like always stood and laughed uncontrolably. im excited like a kid to go to london, im actully excited like you would be at christmas when your about 6, i think its going to be a trip to remember, ive decided to meet up with a mate that i used to talk to on the first day, we havnt spoke for a while but i hope we end up mates like we used to be again. alot of shit happened, shit that i hated at the time but didnt wake up to till now. maybe we could sort it? maybe it already is sorted with meeting up again? i hope its the right thing, ive come out the other side and im seeing things totally different. and it was me that said yes to it. joanna. you better have helped me on doing the right thing. where did i go wrong though?... i supose karma comes back round eh? after all i do know best.

its gonna be another year again for jamie soon, it still feels raw at times. i love him, and i think thats the part i carnt let go. he was the crush and the dream, he was the guy that walked past and amazed me utterly, he had my full attention even if we talked about worms, i would be engulfed in the conversation, mutual feels were felt though. we used to fight together to get to where we wanted to be in life, thats why i have done the things i have done. i hate the fact that i still think about what it could be like when i no i shouldnt. he was the perfect man, he understood, he cared he loved and he had the time that was needed in the randomest times ever, we shared the love of bikes that no one else understood and were totally and utterly inseprable. he was the lad that was the best lookin outa the crowd the ones the girls loved coz he didnt just have the looks he had the personality and the qualities. but yet he didnt want the slappers, he was happy with the mucky girl that loved to sit and fix things, i still blame myself at times for what happened when yes i no, i no i shouldnt. its when i look at his brother who is nearly identical to what jamie looked like, and i just feel so odd, we have a connection because of his brother and i no we will never leave it, the family side is still so close, we still see each other alot but its jamie i want to see, its when i think about him i just cry, my dude and my ridin partner has gone ... still after years i miss him more than anything. i love him so much yet i couldnt save his life. what would things be like now though?.

~ tile on walls ~

as my homepage loaded up i got a the greatest laugh of the day, ... Jade Goody: wants to save career so is going on a tour of India. Is this not what we new would happen?, was it not blatent that she would then go over there to try and reslove the popadom issue? just give it a rest you have appologised so get on with the rest of you life, i think this is going to drag on for the rest of the year, or maybe into next aswell ... i think the tabloids are in for a fun packed time i think im going to stop buyin the paper because instead of getting on with important things in the world, we yet to decided to solve problems that really are pointless. i supose we could all call it just the joke section? or maybe papers can produce sheer comedy.

i hate the laws and the police force of this country, they want to ' takle gangsters ' but do they relises when they do that what will happen?... i think they do, thats why not much is happening.
i dont no if everything they say to us is complete lies, or they say it because they have nothing else to do? but really without the shit we are spoon fed, what else could we belive in?
a londoner was arrested, and ... they found out what happens when they start to disspear.
i wrekon that there is alot of ' gangsters ' out there, well its obvious, but there is alot of the wanna be gangsters, the ones that are actully causing problems that are not needed, so yet they kick up a fuss and get everyone else in the shit?
i hate the word gangster, i dont think i really means what it sounds like, infact most things are hyped up like the media does to everything, no one really knows what there like until you no what goes on. .. thats all for today for my moaning, i feel better. thankyou please for listening and reading.... NEXT ...

this is goin to sound, odd, and weird, and perculier, maybe all three, maybe more? but i no what i am going on about... i want to be able to make the funny noise with my tounge other people can, it annoys me so much, and i NEED to be able to do it, i love it, i love the noise, how werid is that?.. i was a child of noise when i was younger, you would find me with my latest toy with it apart on the floor in the middle of trying to find out what made it make the noise it did going, deee dull deeee dee dull deee, i was just one of them children that just had randomness coming out of her ears, i think i still am when i get going, but i couldnt make that noise, and i have always wanted to be able to. but a dude i listen to does it alot in his acoustic music and i love it, his music is fab its totally different and unique? i dont no if thats the right word to use for it, with a geeetar and his voice he produces some of the most amazing music to me... i need to be able to make that noise!

you no them songs that sick in your head, things like, the wallace n gromit theme tune, as soon as someone whistles it, its in your head, well ive found that, stand by me by king ben e is exactly the same, ive been singing it for about 2 weeks, but im gunna sing it in febuary i think, its ... not the same, i think when you sing it in your head and you get a tune to it, you just change it? well i do and i have, n i love it.

im in a shitty talkive mood today, i could chat about shit all day long? i think i might take a trip to a cafe and join the old people in a chat about the world of the youth off today, and what marks and spensers hae just got in.

~ crime scene ~

its music!... i no what it is that makes me like how i am, its music! that sounds quite odd doesnt it? but no, really. there is two main singers that give me goosebumps when they sing, there stuff is amazing and the words they sing are well thought of, and understood, there hidden meterphores dont actully click with you until you listen to them when your liein in bed, and you think about what there saying, its changed alot with 1 song, how stupid does that sound? but really, one song has made me relise things about everything who i am, and what i want out of this life. you get them points where you go off track and you get engulfed in something, getting sucked in isnt the right idea and me myself should no this better than anyone. i think this time im back totally on track though, after i thought i had my life in the up and coming months sorted i backed off abit from everything, but after it all went in the wrong direction, i didnt really no what to do, well you dont do you?, but that isnt me, i no its not, im the one that has the back up plan to just pick myself up, i dont mope or dwell in my own depression, what the point in wasting your life doing something you dont enjoy, no one injoys being depressed. i think not having my one and only companion with me has effected me more than ever with things at the moment, a dog is deffos mans best friend, and benson was the best man in the world, dogs no matter your mood, your day, your situation, they still love you, no matter what they still come and give you the big hug you need, the loving you need. but with him now gone .. :( ... its been hard for me to lean to someone, ive been doing the wrong thing and questioning things, but why have i? i dont no myself, but its stopped i feel a fool, but dont we all do things we regret?

im looking into a job in miami, maybe not in my first thought the best place to go, but everywhere on this earth is amazing, we just dont see it, i would really like to go to africa, i would love to do filming with wild animals or something different, something odd? not stamp collectings or snooker, i think i would fall asleep. just a total culture change, miami isnt a total culture change but its different from where i am now, its ... miami. a place people will wow at like most people do when you say you want to move somewhere, if its hot, and has a beach, its wow.
i dont want to leave my main stream love behind me though, i want to keep mechanics in full swing as another job if i can, its part of who i am, and i think without the mucky side, where would my personality be, i think the oil and grease pleases me, they give me the logic side of my life, it doesnt make sense to the reader of this, but i no what i mean exactly, my mechanics have built a side of me with putting up with stupid comments off worthless people, it sorta lets you see the difference with people, you see the true people and you see the worthless ones.
but mechanics makes me happy, it makes me smile it keeps me busy and its a passion.
yeh media is coming up with something speical i think, its a hands on thing, and if i can persue editing like i want to, i think i will be happy. i think its a total different job change, not something i want to really change as much as i want to, but i wish i could combin them both, but thats totally stupid, i think two jobs, maybe a weekend mechanics job could suit me well.

ive got a doctors appointment tomorow morning at 9 im not fussed, but i no there will be an injection, i dont no what it is with them at the moment, i just carnt stand them, i think its when they hit the inside of your body and your mucles or what ever it is touching can feel it, its making my veins feel funny talking about it, ergh.
i guess ill just get it over with and see if i can get a sticker? what happened to the the stickers and lollys you used to get from the doctor? well, i get the point about the lollys, the goverment will be making some fuss about how they encourage children to be overweight so it MUST stop,but the stickers, ... why have they gone, i used to like the shiny silver ones, the were cool, you used to show them to people when you got home, you felt pretty special.

i spoke to steven in iraq this morning, i aint spoke to him properly bar a few emails at the moment, i can tell he is totally into what he is doing, but he knows he is doing the wrong thing, i hate seeing people out there that you care for, my cousin is there 2, his girlfriend has been the most stressed out person i have seen in a long while, i hate the way in this day and age its like were cut off from things we shouldnt be, stevens there till summer and he sounds like they have had enough, but there fighting to get them back. i think shit goes on over there that people dont expect, its asthough at times no one cares about the soliders out there. but they just keep putting them back in, its annoying me, but what can i do? what can anyone do? nothing bar wait until the prats take them out of there.

~ dont fall outa bed ~

dont fall outa bed just yet,
no not just yet,dont fall out bed, it would be a shame,

stay, hey love, where you going to,
your not sleeping anymore, your just trying to,
well hey, stay love, where you running to?,
awful happens all the time, dont let it kill you,

i say easily with me i feel as, as fast as i can see ...
just afraid of them horror stories that fall down on my knees,

come away, come away,
from all these things unheard,
if a chosen word has got you cornered then its a lesson learned,
like close the book before it burns you now,
come away, come away,
from all these things unseen,
at the price you paid i promise you wont belive anything they say to you,
belief will only disappoint you now,

well incase you never noticed the path you never chose has chosen you,
dont be afraid to face and break it, your secrets ... yeah
dont be afraid to face and break it, your secrets ... stay, stay,
well ...hey, hey love, where ya goin? you going to ...
your not sleeping in, your not sleeping in, no, not sle ..
hey love, hey love, hey love, where you running to?
awful happens all the time, try not to let it kill you,

so hey love, say good night love,
dont fall outa bed,dont fall outa bed angel not just yet,
say, good night love

~ dirty sock ~

Liff's decided that he 100% wants my stuff in his work, i supose i should be flattered. i dont know wether to say actully yeah, you can have it, for the factor of my stuff could go somewhere other than stay with me. or to see the sensible side of things and say ... no you carnt have it, its all mine mwahahaha. hmmm. i need a split of what ever is on offer i think, no i know this, but yet im still tied with it, and i dont no why?
The guys that play with me are adimit that we go and play in a few week at some soul bar, my first iniatal reaction was no way, not anymore, but i supose what the hell fuck it?. you dont get anywhere with anything if you dont try it right, and ive done it before, im proud of what ive done actully, its something i didnt think that was me, i still dont on the surface, but i love what it makes you feel like when you sing something you mean. its like them understanding moments where you have got something off your chest, the feeling where your cool and calm.
you really do understand music more when you actully do a bit yourself, lyrics arnt just lyrics and you understand the hidden stuff people sing about.

the wake up calls really kicked in and my aim is ... to get fat no more! ... i supose you get a comfort zone, but im gunna get back to how i was, i dont think the wash board stomach is so bad anymore and im going to get it well its will be flat. i phoned my old gym trainer this mornin, he is ace to work with and is one of these people that just wont let you stop, they annoy they fuck out of me, i crnt stand someone telling me what to do when you can prevent it but in this case, its very useful but he fine to take me on again, so i think its major work out time. so good bye fatty you were comfortable while you where here, but not good to look at.

i find that sometimes i supose like always news runs dry, so stories in the news get blown up as big as they can before they pixalate to much, but i think you can always start to see the distortion after reading about 4 lines into it. you see that if there was better ' gossip ' the story would remain about 2 paragraphs long, but instead there about 7 or 8. i supose you start to yawn.

~ listen to me ~

how unexpecting can your life be at times? i feel like i have changed for the best from things that i have done, but i feel like im getting a back stabbing for it.
from my first 3 and a half year realtionship, i got beatings and other stuff that i really crnt talk about, stuff that will only remain with me and the dick head that did them to me. it took me such a long time to get out of the relationship, and i didnt think i would actully get out of it healthy. but i did and i was so proud of myself that i had, but it messed my emotions up big style, i shut off from everyone and kept everything inside, i felt like it was the only way i wasnt going to get hurt, if i tell people things, then they have a way of getting to me if they want to, its not that i thought everyone was like that, it was just that i didnt want them to get the chance to.
but after all that shit, i didnt think it was possible to actully meet someone that was decent, i thought that every other bloke out there were just hard nosed stuck up and only thought about themselves. but i came across someone else that was everything but that, i could talk to him about anything, and we are two totally different people, which from my point of view is great, you get to then learn things about other things that you didnt no, you teach each other things, and really in situations you can put ur heads together and deal with them a better way than you would, i fell in love with him after i had to fight my feelings of liking him, and we ended up getting together, things never seemed so great to me, i felt like this was it, this was the dude i wanted to stay with and he made me feel like he felt the same, only thing was, the hovering of him leaving was around, but we didnt let it stop us and we carried on how we were, when he went away it felt like we had got stronger than ever, i felt like out connection with each other seemed to just sore and nothing could stop how we felt, my heart ached so much to be with him, but it was great to no that he loved me the same, he came home and when he got in the country i felt like i was so much closer to him, i spent time with him more and more and things just seemed great, the stupid things like how he would tell me he loved me in the middle of the pub just to let me know he did made me feel ace, it was like, is he actully mine?. it was like them relationships that you see someone else having, not yourself. it was the time his mate told us about how he finshed something just to be with the girl he was with now, because he loved her, and he really wanted to be with her, it felt like thats how we were, like nothing would split us and we were to strong together. i would talk about him constatly and he would be in just about every conversation i had.
i felt like this was something that could last and was to good to be true, but now its getting closer to the time of him leaving for sure, things have over turned, its like a switch that has been flicked and all of a sudden it carnt be like that anymore, it seemed like he was so eager for me to go and start a life with him, to go out there with him and live together, we used to talk about it on a night time how we felt about each other and how good it would be to live together, but now i feel like, really, in reality it carnt happen.
his job is great, but i look at a job as a job you crnt have it forever, but you can have someone in your life forever. he told me even when he had come back home that i was more important than a job, he would take me over a job, but i no, this isnt about it, its about leaving the country, i no that the stress of trying to get your life sorted is hard, ive had to deal with stuff which is quite similar, and i totally understand it. but i crnt help feel that its not just that for a reason to cool off, i feel like maybe its because he has fell out of love with me?. its just the times before this i crnt help think about, it seemed to be fuckin ace!... now ... why has it all ov a sudden happened?.
we agreed to back off from it all, but now its as though ill not speak to him at all, as though him sayin he wants to sort his stuff and see how things are is just a way to say, look its actully all over, im going and i dont want you to come with me.
i wish he would just text me or say to me, that he wants me to go with him, he wants to be with me, that he loves me, but he will sort his house and work out first, just so he can make sure everything is ok. but its like if anything is mentioned ill get a throat full and i feel shit for it, i no that being stressed out is the worst thing ever, and this wont help anything, im not asking it to, im just saying how i feel, id just love him to say how he wants it to be. i love him more than anything in my life, he has made me the person i am, and i just want shake him and make him relises.
i just want us to be able to talk about it calmly and for us both to say the things we need to say or ask, i want him to be able to talk to me without him getting mad. i just love him, i love him more than anyone will ever love him, i would do anything for him, its just that i dont think im what he actully wants. i just want to talk ... and i hope you will after this?. i do understand how hard this is. but see my stuff to?

~ selecta ~

i need some help sleeping, so as you do, i strolled along to my local pharmacist to see what products they stocked on the shelves to stop the sleep of 2 hours total and turn it into about 8, it would do me fine, so anyway, when i got there i decided to ask the bloke behind the counter what he would recemend, i relised straight away he was from italy, but i didnt actully think he would still speak with such a strong accent, we have 2 italian familys living in our ' village', and asumed he was from one of them, but to my dispair, i dont think he was, to the question of .. "could you tell me which are your best sleeping tablets please?" the reply i got was ... " afn ihiwqhr npr dfh ohfinoi vnqoihgoihg " and yes... it did sound like that alot like that. i replied with " erm... pardon? " and he laughed and just pointed to the shelf with the sleeping tablets on behind him, he was starting to get the right idea but still hadnt answered my question WHICH ARE YOUR BEST SLEEPING TABLETS. by this point i couldnt be arsed at all, i wasnt in the mood and i new i was going to be there all day, so i said the best ones?? in quite a slow tone and he randomly picked the most expensive and put them on the counter, he could tell me the price ok .. strange that? and i handed over the 5.95 that they were priced, i thought it was just a slight rip off.. but if it will help... you can have double.
i got them home and have just look at the side of the bottle ... this is on sleeping tablets ...
may cause drowsiness, does this take a fuckin wizz kid to figure this out? if they didnt then i would be taking them back to the shop and shoving up the italians mans arse.

i have to comment on this big brother shit, i think old people have even heard of this shit that is going on, how thick are people in that house, but yes i will say this, how thick are people that watch it too? ... i dont watch it!, but i love the rubbish that has come out of it, ive just turned on the telly and started to flick threw the channels to find thatthe farm animal is now trying to explain herself on her comments she has made, but ok, she is human enough to apologise, but now she is digging a bigger whole for herself, we all know how stupid this country is, newcastle has now been banned from calling people hinny in a working enviroment which is a local saying which has been around for hundreds of years, because, it could offend someone... please tell me how hinny, would offend you? right enough of, you get my point.
so if we all know how pathetic this place is, why would you go on british television, which is broadcast to the nation, and give out comments that will feed the country for more than a year in what they can make a fuss off.
people are now having to get police protection when they come out of the house for it, the dick heads that are part of this country have gone to apoligise for the behavior of housemates.
this is all down to a television show, with people that are low class, desprate celebraties, trying to get some more coverage, and a bit more cash in there bank accounts, and with all there heads together i dont think they could make some sense.
jade has now been told by big brother that it seems like her actions were coming across abit racist, so she has now tried to say sorry, but failed a bit by rubbing it in, without her actully relising. so she is now having a moan saying she wants to leave and she is scared that she is going to loose everything, is this all your fortune you have? i suppose no actully, i hope she does, i hate people that dont earn there money for a reason, people slog there guts out to earn money, people try the best to get somewhere in life, and then people that dont even know how to talk properly get more money than they can worry about. but even with all this, bad acusations mean publisity, and what does that mean ... MONEY. i supose all round she will probably get a bit more to add to her bank account, they all will. how sad is this country.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand she has been evicted.

~ bath robe~

19 years ive know since you went searching for more than most,
and got lost along the way like money in the post, holy at the most,
is how you used to act carrying it like a bible, shooting out bullets like they were facts,
painted black, men woman children aswell, if you dont worship then your going to hell,
always had to take it one step further you could just say, nopes,
you had to shove it down peoples throats like gay blokes,
like that basement jacks song wheres your head at when did you loose your mind,
same time your hair fell out, and your beard started to grow, grey hairs started to show,
or was it when you started to worry about dead mans row?
i was only 9 years old, how could you subject me to that shit?
verbel cifalis complete fucking shit, i was sick of it but to afraid to say,
only saw it once and out of all of em you had to choose that day,
to bullet bash littering beind the street, looking like a man who collect cash,
even though you were brass you could have tried to look normal,
even if you was fucked in your head its awful,
how could i ever introduce anyone to you... hi baby this is my dad, he's a ... what the fuck?

i dont hate you but i dont love you either,
you mean nothin to me just another geezer,
i wont hit you, still i wont hug you either,
if we ever speak again cold is how im gunna treat ya,

when you talk about your anticts there always filled with laughter,
i slag you off and dont feel back about it afters,
just like all the other kids brain washed by there farthers,
who the fuck was i suposed to go to for answers, you wernt around for normal shit,
so dont kid yourself you bitch, but i bet you turn up when im rich chattin shit,
like it wernt my fault probly blame it on your background coz your backgrounds warped,
we could here it in you voice everytime you talked,
i was young but im not dumb i new what was going on,
i remember that sumthin just didnt seem right to me,
from what i could see it was simple and plain you haved me over managed like a dog on a chain,
sometimes i used to wonder where you where and were you went,
but times have changed and im getting used to it not being there,
so now i no longer wonder nor do i care, you could die for all i no, get even more fucked up in your head for all i no, coz all i really no is you left without saying bye,
and aint even looked back since yes there was a time we could have built a bridge but now the gaps to great you might find if you try it will just colapes under the weight, coz now its far to late coz im all grown up, how can i be part of your life ...

i dont hate you i dont love you either,
you mean nothing to me, just another geezer,
i wont hit you still i wont hug you either,
if we ever speak again cold is how im guna treat ya

you carnt run away from your past coz your past is hareditry,
the blood that courses through my vains is your legasy,
it will probably be the only thing ever left of me from you,
because just like you, i myself have been gifted with a talent but i go by the name B,
not like you im not off balance, but you fell of the wagon now the only thing apparent is,
you aint half the man you used to be, but i am more than you could every be,
coz you can never see the world as i see it, wethers you try to be something you aint ill be it,
but real fast, your past, is comin back to haunt you,
its god will that such a big mistake like me should taunt you daunt you like a nervous feelin in your gut, i call it fate but you can call it what ever the fuck you want,
your just a lost little boy so heres one less worry for you,
i dont hate you i just feel sorry for you, infact i pitty you,
ive got so much shit on you i wouldnt even spit on you,
but i dont hate you, hating takes to much effort, you aint worth the fuckin time of day, and as for love and my heart that went along time ago

i dont hate you i dont love you either,
you mean nothin to me ust another geezer,
i wont hit you, still i wont hug you either,
if we ever speak again cold is how im gunna treat ya.

~ early in the morning ~

im dreaming of sleeping next to you, and if you ask me, your just painting my picture,
you close your eyes and i hope you see mine, just threw you and me,
your half way home, and im on my own, but i dont mind, becuase it aint my time,
im gonna keep on hoping, that one day, this will be mine,
i dont wanna wait for the day that we finally learn how to find each other,

im keeping my dream about you, and im not tired,
i dont wanna live without you, but you dont mind,
im keeping my dream about you, and getting tired,
of having to live without you,

hey love where you running to? stop taking my heart along with you,

im so big hearted, just not so remarkable, but your the love of a life time,
why cant i be optimistic? he just wants to grow away from me,
the one with the bright eyes, i was just the perfect company,
i dont stand up to the one stored away in the corner of your heart,
late in the evening i kinda get delirious breaking from the seriousness,
is it any wonder how you dont care anymore? its not so usual,

im keeping my dream about you, and im not tired,
i dont wanna live without you, but you dont mind,
im keeping my dream about you, and getting tired,
of having to live without you,

can you just treat me right? i feel exposed,

im half way there, but your gone your loves not the ones thats strong,
i woke up with you on the opposite side of the street,
ill be fine, ill be alright, it seems to be a running theme,
ill let the bitter you pass the remarks, while im one love, with one heart,
ill let it beat it with out you a part, you gave up on you heart, just to fill the page,

im keeping my dream about you, and im not tired,
i dont wanna live without you, but you dont mind,
im keeping my dream about you, and getting tired,
of having to live without you,

oh this child like love is flooring me,

do you no what is like to wonder or be in love alone,
as i lay me down tonight, i see the dream about you,
i dont think you know amazing, he makes me crazy but oh,
i dont think he can redefine his open mind,
the meaning of this song should be left alone, but its yet to be told,

im keeping my dream about you, and im not tired,
i dont wanna live without you, but you dont mind,
im keeping my dream about you, and getting tired,
of having to live without you,

my loves getting shy this way,

im keeping my dream about you, and im waiting so paciently,
i dont wanna live with out you, but im sitting in your way,
im keeping my dream about you, but your keeping your distance,
stop making it persistant.

~ not again ~

what happens to the messages we send when they dont reach there destination? ... do all the messages go to a special meeting place to then be created into another message? the messages from an unknown sender always wishing you a happy birthday, or asking you if you injoyed last night?.
do the words run out after the flight path to the reciver has worn them out? ... where do all the missing texts go?

ive amazed myself for how much i now use the internet, im creeping close to being an internet junky, i use it to cure my need of riding, so instead of getting off my fat ass, i whip my laptop open and perv at the latest news on the world of grab handles and air filters. its a bit embaressing, i was an outdoor maniac, now i seem to live inside the brick house and play games.
i could change it... i could sit outside and play games?

my tree stump best female friend needs a brain transplant, im thinking of taking a crash course in brain surgery to help her out at a discounted price. i find myself struggling at times to understand things so i wonder about the strangest things when im doing something serious, but yet i remain focused on what i am doing. but tree stump seems to be going backwards in her years, her memory is worse than a small goldfish, and she seems to be called thick alot. i dont no if her blonde hair is having an effect on things as she ages. but its past the point of being funny, i could have more of a conversation with a 8 and a half year old about what they had been doing at school than i could to tree stump about if she has what she needs with her. its begining to be a ritual to make sure when she is leaving the house that she has everything, not to make sure she has money, but to make sure she has her coat, or has actully got her shoes on. she is turning into the blonde in all the blonde jokes, and now wouldnt even understand a blonde joke if it was presented to her with a synopsis and step by step reading methods. bless her cotton hair. i still love her but i think i feel intelligent when im with her now, there is a plus side to everything right?.

the music mystro is seeing my serious point of not using my beloved lyrics and my voice box, the arguements are now getting a bit heated, a bit like a mess tin on a fire. were starting to go black, but he already is black ... so what difference does it make?.
i want to keep my own music and lyrics i think to myself, i dont want them public to more than a few people. i apolgise, i say sorry and put my dwarfed arms in the air. he helped me, but to his benifit, and i dont want to be in on his next steps.

ive been wondering if the strange black object at the end of my bed is a mutant alien, it hasnt moved, but im a bit aprehensive to go and cheak but i think im going to. . . . . . its a bit of fluff. i supose its better to be safe than sorry or in this case a mad person with an object in her hand to flatten its organs.

i seem to have made a cup collection of the past day, i might take a picture of them, there is 5 cups, and they all held hot liquid like tea. no it wasnt like tea. it was tea. i woke up an relised what my mother would say if she saw it... there would be a sharp tone in her voice and she would say it looked like something of a council estate also followed by a tut. i hate tuts, there so annoying. it sounds like someone is sucking a toffee thats stuck to the roof of there mouth.
i dont no what it is with my mother and the well known phrase from here about it looking like something of a council estate, i think she has always despised them areas, and she doesnt need to worry as she wont ever live on one. but i dont see how a few clothes on the floor... or crumbs on the bench are a council estate replica?

~ at ~

the music things i have done which i never ever thought i would do has hit a glitch and i dont no really what to do with it, Liff the dude that made me start it all in the first place and got me doing it all, ended up turning out like everyone else in the world, he was only out there for himself, making sure he was getting what he needed from me, so i sorta seen it and decided to up and leave him taking my songs with me. he wasnt giving me splits with the money we or really he was making from the things i was doing, i can understand he has taught me stuff , he has done all the shitty voice coaching when i have needed it, ive used his studio, but really at the end of the day its me who has wrote the song, and me who is singing it to ... so really i am owed a cut in whatever he has made. otherwise he wouldnt have made that money right?.
now he wants to relises a album with some of my tunes on it, im not keen about it at all and im sick of egnoring my gut feelings, and i was right, i need to bring back the total cow in, and it appeared quite nicely when i saw him today, i was sorta proud of my self stupid as it sounds for doing it, instead of taking the easy way as i keep doing.
i told him i found out about the money he was making for the gigs we had done where i didnt get any cash, and i wanted my share in it, but he said he has invested ... get that .. invested the money into the music, and can i politily ask how the fuck have you done that? ... well dear beverley, appartly he has got some new stuff for the studio, but did he have the right to take my share in the cash?. NO. but, i no, its my own fault, i shouldnt of asumed i can trust someone, because once again someone has made me out as a twat. nothing new at the moment. so he changed the subject to the C.D , which was the reason i was there, apartly to make up for the money from the gigs he would give me split in the album once it was reliesed ect.. but im not happy with my things being heard by other people i no its totaly stupid, but im not, its my own personal shit so hmmm i dont want it publicaly heard it was bad enough with a gig with people hearing my songs. but i loved the way to make up for it... then i would get a spilt in the profits. what a fucking joke, do i have MUG writen on my fuckin forhead. so i told him simple and straight. and asked him who the fuck he thought i was, im not being taken for a joke, while he uses my own songs and i get fuck all for it, i new this was all to good to be true. so i think ill copywrite my songs, just incase he wants to uses them without my permission, which i hope he isnt that keen to do ...

i has such a weird dream last night... i ended up having a black hand, all the other parts of my body where white but for some reason i had a black hand, my job was to repair tvs, and i had to go to the local swimming pool to fix there tv above the pool, i had to use a reaaalllly high stool to stand on, and fix it wit forks :S fuck knows why :S.

~ areas ~

how can being appreciated by someone dissapear so easily, as though its been a switch to turn it all around. the explanation of it all wont be given to you and your left clueless in what the reason behind it all is. its like you have been standing there in the sun shine then all of a sunden without seeing the clouds on the horizon there over you and you crnt see any blue left in the sky. to top it off the weather forcasts been canceled.
if you take everything away that is in your life, what would you truely miss out of it? ive already thought about mine, but what about everyone elses, and the people that are close to you, if you think about it, would you be in theres.
i dont no if its the push over side thats made it happen, i now have no defence on me which i relises more and more, things get to me that never used to. from when i started this its never got any easier, some people think because its been a while it doesnt matter as much. i dont think they relises how far you have come from something. from things where you think that everything around you is utter pointless, where you see that no one is there to be there for you, or there to actully love you, but they are there for themselves, to make sure they are happy, and that they are taking you for granted the best they can.
it seems like all i get back is sarcastic comments that make you wounder if your purpose to them is bordem. if i was just told straight why this has turned into what it is, then ... maybe it could be understood by me?
i wish i never did say what i did, i think everything would be different, and better, it would be so much better than this and i wouldnt have to wonder about things, its always me and my big fat gob, its the fact i did this myself. its my fault its like this, and i want to hit myself so hard for it, but yet i no it wont make any difference, no matter what i say now, its changed so much now if things where said it would just make a situation i could save if i didnt. its my fault, i think about other people before myself, and becuase i do this its ME that gets the shit end. everyone else gets the upper hand and im left at the bottom of the stack then being told how fantastic! things have turned out for them . i just want the actul understanding from someone, just to no that yeh ... they understand and im not guna get a hard time for me helping out someone else in the way i wished i didnt, instead of well ... its your fault!. fucking to right it is, and you think i dont no this. its the same with most things, that are shit and blatently obvious to everyone you no the situation, then you get the question of... well why dont you do this. its like hitting your head of a brick wall as to say, and you think i havent thought of that already?. its as though i must look like im that thick i dont even no how to think for myself. i just want an easy life, ive had enough of all this fast pace shit that i have grown up with, the shit that keeps you on your toes, more than people will actully think of, and becuase they havent been in the situation its as though its all bollocks. i supose good for them.
i just want that hug that makes you feel safe, the one where all the shit around you just doesnt matter, the world could colapes but it dusnt matter becuase of where you are. i dont no why i say things when its like a stone cold person is there to listen.

~ grape ~

i love made up love song #43 by the guillemots, i dont no what it is about the song but its ace, its one of the songs that the louder it is, the better it sounds. ive ended up hookin ma subs and amp back up and it makes it sound like it should, i dont think you can get the best outa a tune unless you have it on the right system. the sounds clearer and better. it makes me remember why i got them. im gettin back into my music stuff again and im sick of listen to it on a normal hi fi, the sounds crap unless you have a proper system and i think ive spent most of the mornin settin my subs and amp up properly and you can tell the sounds quality straight away. i think im guna spend the rest of my day locked in my room listenin to gud stuff.

i love you through sparks and shining dragons,i do,
now there's poetry, in an empty coke can.
I love you through sparks and shining dragons,i do,
now there's majesty, in a burnt out caravan.
you got me off the paper round, just sprang out of the air,
the best things come from nowhere,i love you, i don't think you care.

i love you through sparks and shining dragons,
i do,and the symmetry in your northern grin
I love you through sparks and shining dragons, i do,
i can see myself in the refill litter bin.

you got me off the sofa, just sprang out of the air,
the best things come from nowhere, i can't believe you care.

im tired and i think iv taken it out on the wrong people, you relises afterwards how much of a prat you are, and its sorta to late to then hold your tounge from the shit you speak. you relises that if you had of held it in once your tiredness had gone you would relise how stupid it actully was if you had ov said it, but i did it the other way round but relised after i said itthat it was a stupid thing to say. i wish you could sorta erase the things like that then they wouldnt be there. but i supose everyones a prat once in a while .... lets hope so lol.

ive sorta relised im to much of a push over again, and i no its gotta change again, im chilled now, im more totally laid back and it good but i still need to say no to things but ive found myself saying yes just to make everyone happy, i shouldnt do it and neither should anyone else, im the person that normaly says things to people like that and im not takin notice ov my own advice. but i now have... and i no why i used to. so tonight, im not going to town, for the reasons why i dont want to go of its full of nob head pervs, its to expensive, and i crnt be bothered! so now, im not going to be sitting there with the fake smile and wishing so much in my mind i wasnt there, and hoping the people i was there with would vanish or have duck tape over there mouth, instead ive said NO, and im happy i have : )

~ kenzo ~

hmmmm i dont think this is guna be a blog thats erm guna be ok, i need to say how i feel about something and ive been wanting to say it for a while, its just that if i say it i think im guna upset someone or get a back lash from it, its sorta not something sum 1 wants to hear, maybe its far from it? but when you dont no what to say and you dont want to upset them, you just dont say anything and the feeling just sits there and nothing can make it ease off.
i think im just guna have to jump in at the deep end and say it, i crnt go round it all tryin to make it all look pretty if i no that it wont matter what i say it will cause the same thing. i never normally write it, i normal just describe things on how i feel about something and never say the good reason why, but i this time im gonna have to. but ... here goes ...

well as i know, my bf is goin bak to his work in the bahamas, while i stay here in newcastle for 3 months or so, until we or he gets some cash so i can go and live with him, i feel shit for having money problems that i was promised but as my arse of a dad now loves to see me pissed off i no i wont get it. it screwed things up big style, well from my point of view. and no i crnt go out with him when he leaves. its not something we talk about, but i no that when he goes that hopefully im guna be able to go out there after him. the first time he left to go made me feel things that i had never felt before, i didnt no it was possible to miss someone that much still be able to talk to them but yet still feel like you havnt spoke to them at all. it made me reilise how much i actully love him, what he ment to me, and what i wanted.
with him now being back home ive been able to go and see him really when ever we wanted to see each other, and even though its about an hour and half away the feeling of when i miss him is nothing like it was, i still miss him, ov course i do i love him, but i think its knowing that i can go and see him, that makes things just be normal.
but now knowing he is going back, and knowing its going to be really soon, as soon as possible for him, i feel a bit shit, i no its going to happen and i want him to go, i know he hates being in this country and really out of everything i just want him to be happy and chilled. i think its just the fact that i no he is going to be thousands of miles away, and i crnt go with him or be with him, no matter how i feel i crnt just be that hour and half away from him. i just want to no that 100% im guna be able to go and be with him. i just want the plan of going over to live with him to just happen.when i think about it i dont think there is a main thing to this feelings i think its just knowing how far away he is going to be, the way im not going to be able to see him or be with him and not knowing 100% when i actully will see him again, i hope the feelin when he goes isnt as strong as it was b4 of not knowing when to see him again. im stupid i no, im rediculis, but knowin its guna be in the next few months which are really just weeks away makes me relises how close it is and how long im not going to see him for.

i feel like a total moron to be feeling like this, but i think i can just put it down to how much i do actully love him and how much i really want to be with him, i want to spend my life with him, he is ace, he amazes me with just being himself and with just knowin how far away from him im guna be, knowin he is in the place he wants to be.

i had to say that, i have wanted to for a bit but i duno, i supose i dont wana feel like im doin his head in with it, we aint spoke about it for abit but now i no its gettin well close i just had to say it.i think its bin already obvious how ive felt about it, but hmmm it just had to be said.

~ first look ~

erm ive bin lookin 4 a gud blog but i crnt find one, all i can find is people talkin about how you should turn to the lord, what total bollocks, and about how good there knitting club is coming along. i thought it was pretty scary until i came across a blog, with the latest one sayin ... " i really need to stop thinking about and talking about ribbon so I'm posting my creations for a Valentine class ". im not going to comment. i didnt think people like this were real, there is actully real life people out there like that, but thats enough i shouldnt judge, i write shit in my blog so it doesnt mean no 1 else carnt. but i also like this from the womans blog to .. " However, this time she encouraged me to include some stamping and I'm really excited about that! " i also liked ..... " Happy Cupcake Day! Happy Friday! " .... ill stop now.

~ tablet top ~

Hmmm each number on a mobile means 3 letters that can be used to send text, the number 9 has four, its a bit greedy but it has to be that way, if i type in the number 5683 its spells love, but thats not all it spells ... it could also say loud, love can sometimes be loud right? but to love is to project in some way, similar to that of being loud, mmmm its a coincidence, but it also spells jove, which is the greek equivalent to zeus the king of the gods, in roman mythology jove would be called jupiter, which is the largest planet in our solar system, so ... is love not loud and at times the largest thing in our local systems?
hmmm i think when people decided to put the letters onto a mobile they wanted to put thing in it that just seemed to fit, like... kiss, and lips, and lisp, are all the same numbers... but yet weirdly they all like together so well. .... i like how eat, is also fat.and stop is runs.

i went for a trial day at a photographers yesterday, not of abstract art, which i love to look at and would love to be able to click a pictures of some amazing things, some people seem to have done, i think its always better than looking at people, who are normal things you seem to come across in the same ways everyday, but this job if i get it involves taking pictures of human beings that decided to come and get pictures of themselves taken looking there best, to my own self and mind opinion i decided it was a cringing thing to do. but if im the one behind the camera and the people are infront and blinded by the shining lights its great. i have to use creativity aswell, you have to adapt your ' model ' to the best possible poses that you think gives them best potential, adding things in to add to it, i like creativity, its in every choice you make and i think you show your personality threw it. its so easy and effortless but at the same time your mind keeps its coggs working to try and make things slightly better, it was better than i thought it would be, even though its somethings that can also give you a good laugh by laughing at the mugs that come to be photographed.

i think that there is going to be a day where everyone will live in a makeover home, have all the same furniture, and same hair cuts and clothes, all have pimp outs cars and bikes and all sheep each other. the world seems to be cloning itself more and more and the fashions sense of today seems to be taken on more and more members in its club, no matter what the change in fashion will be, they all change when then shops change there window displays, the shoes and the hair cuts that come into fashion becuase the latest footballers wife has now decided to wear it has changed the nation, the simple minded people are hipnotised into purchasing the latest handbag becuase its been seen on the telly.

~ the art of ~

i wanna no what peoples sercret likings are, like the stupid things in life where you just injoy them or like them, and stupid things that draw you to like someone.i like puttin my finger in fresh paint, i like to leave a mark on the surface, i dont no why, i just do. its random but i wrekon alot of people like to do it, hmm im not sure if they do?!. oh well. i like to dip the end of my finger in candle wax t peal it off to leave a cup shape, i like to shape babybell wax into a cube, i like to sing as loud as i can to old music when im in the house by myself, i like to talk to my dog about everything when he sits with me, i like to bite a bit of a new block of cheese, i love pulling the paper of a new packet of ciggarettes, i like to look at old people and think about what they used to look like when they were younger, i like my boyfriends top lip, i like to make tunes from a spoon when i make a cup of tea, i love to wear odd socks, i like to suck my toes, i like to watch and sit in the rain, i like to pick my belly button, i like to try and pronounce odd place names, i like to eat frozen chips, i like to watch the telly upside down . . . . . . . i supose i have to much to say theres a few more. i dont no whether people are the same as me for things, or i am randomly the only one?. hmm i think i wanna no peoples stuff like that, least ill no im not alone with odd things.

~ hurry ~

i hate the way people take pictures of themselves, i dont mean like now n again, but i mean just about all the time, the people that love themselves so much they pose for the camera in everyway possible, its the woman that do it and the sad men that actully gorp for it, i think this should have been edited into my last blog, but lukin threw the internet as you do when you bored, i came across a sad cow who decided to take pictures of herself and things around her, well mostly pictures of herself, there is nothing more like that, that says... i love myself, oh my god please stare at me, i dont love anybody as much as myself.
it fucks me off so much, why the fuck would you do it? it just shows that your so sad and inlove with yourself you actully have nothing better to do than try n get people to comment on how you look, she had pictures of her legs, her doing pathetic posses and labeling them things tryin to avoid the subject of her loving the way her hair and eyes look. and how mens mouths are gorped open even wider. i dont put it down to jelously, if i looked stunning i wouldnt even do what she has dun. if i was her husband, i dont think i would be to pleased that my wife was posting pictures of herself all over the internet getting men posting comments. but.. i dont actully think he would no. but oh well.

thats one thing i love about blogging, the things that get to you everyday or once in a while you can just put it on here n its out, n its done with. where as i think if people said it all, then you would look a bit strange, its like the moaner side of you has an exuse to just get what it has out and it emptys itself. its great. it sorta give you a relise of shit, and then lets you still be back to normal.i love to have a moan as much as the next person, but i think most people who will read this probly think i just moan, i dont really write about the stuff that makes me happy everyday, even tho its the most important thing in your life that sorta keeps people smiling, the happy things never really have the words to be writen, they just stay in your mouth or get left to converstation with people. i supose its not really in a way a right thing but its not a wrong thing to do. good things are better than bad things .... but bad things get to you much more in your emotional talkiveness ... well for me n e ways.

~ paper box ~

im sick of the image that people need to be thin, the way the perception of someone is judged on the way they look, if your thin and you have big tits, your in, men all want you and every single man attatched or un attatched all want to ' shag ' you. they all perv at you and every woman can see what there mind is thinking, they have this look on there face that sort of says words, like them scroll screens. then people wonder why woman are so obsesed about themselves, why people go to great lengths for things and i think it all comes down to it, no one wants a fat person, when a skinny blonde bimbo walks past in her tight jeans and her tits hanging out her top, its what men want isnt it?.
its been one of my biggest hang ups ever, i hate weight and i hate how some people are totally judged by it, have being skinny, to normal to fat, and relises that at all weights there has been a downside. men dont get judged like woman, for a man to put weight on half the time makes them look more manly, but if a woman puts an itch of weight on, thats it, comments come here there and everywhere, it fucks me off so much. my confidence about stuff like that is so far down it bought itself a spade to dig itself lower if needs be, i feel like at times when you see a skinny pretty person i wanna cut the stomachs up and then slash my legs open and then give them all my fat.
its the way men get such an easy ride, woman dont perv at men the way men look at woman, its asthough a comparision is made with everyone that walks past, and if there worth it, a gud stare is in order, even when there with someone, a glare or some obvious jester is thrown in to make you realise what such a fat cow you actully are, and how nice it would be for them to fuck them sensless, where as woman just dont give much of a fuck if a stripper walked down the street swinging there 10 inch cock around. men can get fat and look gud, were as fat woman ... a no go.
i no 100% that just about 99% of the woman population think the same, thats why there is make up, thats why woman have different clothes to men. because your no good as you are, and you need things to make you look better even remotely look a bit better.
at the same time as being angry about that, i wanna go and cut my dad up into little peices and i dont actully think it will be long until some blood shed starts with all this, the petty coments are really pissing me off now, the sound of his voice is now irrotating me so much i want to scream.
its like everyone is being told to be shitty, being told to give me crappy answers when there is actully no need for it, i mean come on , please if you have a fucking problem with me just fucking say it, why b shitty with me if i have done fuck all? no excuse?.
i wish people were straight with you, i wish they said things they want to say without holding things back, .... i wish you could say anything you wanted without getting a mouthful back from things, i wish people where fuckin happy, why is life so hard, they make it hard for themselves, they make it worse for themselves in huffs, i think the worlds such a shit place because no one can see the good side of things, no one can see what good things can come out of something, instead they wake up in a shitty mood and keep it going all day, i think they injoy it more than anything, i think they love it, infact they do, ive decided.

~ applies ~

i think i found the words i wanted to say the other day, but i have forgotten them, oh well, i think they will come to me when im sitting in a strange place, maybe on the bus or at a carboot sale, i havent been to a carboot sale in years, i love looking at peoples old junk, i like being nosey, and seeing what people have in there house is great its like you have been invited to look at all there things, you wonder why the fuck people get certain things, then somethings you ask yourself why dont you have it already?! ... everyone brings them paste tables you use to put your wallpaper on when your decorating, the ones where the legs arnt straight and the table wobbles, or somehow people have the school dinner tables, i wanna no where they get them from?, maybe car boot sales? the thing i hate about them tho, is the old teddys, the ones where you no someone has has it in there mouth, and the fur is all matted with some strange brown substance that puzzles you what it actully is, i think they should be band and maybe binned?.
you get good book bargins, the old tatty book are normally the best though, the ones that look like they have been in the ground and time team have dug them up. i like the people that take there 500 children, they all have about a pound to spend and they walk out with bags full of stuff there not actully going to use. then the little old women wonder round getting things that are actully worth a few hundred quid that they pick up for about 2.50 that they have haggled down from about a fiver and when they die and there auctioned off for millions, the old woman will end up leaving it to her next door neigbours dog called barney.

people here all have love problems, my brother is now in the middle of a fight with his cheating girlfriend which annoys me, which would to anyone i guess, ive had it happen to me and i wouldnt wish it upon anyone, but its weird, were both in the middle of a family arguement, then randomly he will come and talk to me about it and tell me whats been going on and whats been said, i think we both really wanna put this family thing to the side, i do, but its something you dont really say, you think. then other people around me seem to be having a few problems, but why do people always come to me to have a moan about it? its not really something i want to talk about with them, i feel bad for them, i wouldnt sorta wish shit like that upon anyone, but i dont want to be dragged down with it. i supose its the best time to look outa the window and think about thinks like how do they get the ship in the little bottles? and if there are borrowers in your scurtin boards.

~ banksy ~

ive found a graffiti artist that isnt the day to day artist, i love a stencil artist for creativity, but he seems to step the line for everything he does, he is well known and most people actully dont mind his stuff when they see the meaning of the peice once its done, i just for some reason love his work, like any other graffiti artist, he is a one that sorta does it with a meanin, ne one can relate to the peice, and you make your mind up of what its about. i love his ambition, the way he goes to gallerys and just puts his peices up, i dont think many people would get away with presenting work unofficially in the tate london gallery, well actully i dont no, but i dont think it could be that easy? or maybe it cud?. i just like how he has done it. he deicided to put his artwork of a rat up in national history museum, i love his just idea of how the place is so big, places are so respected, yet he still goes for it, he gets maximum exposure, and i think alot of people just like his work. i love the pictures he has done of excisting work, ....

http://www.banksy.co.uk/indoors/02.html
http://www.banksy.co.uk/indoors/02_2.html
http://www.banksy.co.uk/indoors/02_3.html
http://www.banksy.co.uk/indoors/01.html
http://www.banksy.co.uk/indoors/01_2.html
http://www.banksy.co.uk/indoors/01_3.html

he does loadsa stuff, but i think there ace.

~ 250 cotton crocodiles ~

why is it that the world is different in every place you go, like every part of this country, is different to about 10 miles away, some how it always is but you dont really notice until you have to. im not really one to be WHOW about new year, but ... for some reason i have a good feeling about this year, well i hope its right. i dont no whether it was the fact that i wasnt at home, and i got to see things how they really are, when im not here, things always seem that bit better.

hmmm i want this year to be better, i want it to be better than n e other year in my life, but doesnt everyone? no one can have a perfect year, but you can have a pretty good one, last year was a great wake up call to me, it was something that needed to happen to me and it did, it was harsh, and it was good but it was something that i have needed to happen. i had a shit time mosta the year, but then other things sorta come along and make it that bit better. im happy i have things that have totaly crushed my mind when i think about it out of the way now. i feel weirdly refreshed, if thats erm a word to describe it as. bad things have taught me good things ...
i supose thats the way you have to look at them, and the good things make me appericate things that i have.
my child dream wasnt all what it seemed it was guna be, but its ok, im happy i no it, im happy ive done it and its an experience in my life i wont forget, its sorta a plus aswell as a negative, its wound me up mosta the end of this year, but that year is over. and ... its gone. so ive got good stuff outa it that im guna look at. i got a wake up call for my lifestyle, and relised that being out of the rush and drama of people and things is great, its a better way of life and its not boring at all, its far from it, its given some downsides with my family, but again ... blah blah blah, a wake up call, you crnt trust everyone in your life, and you need to learn who actully has your best intrests at heart, if someone is willing to do something a step higher than you think they would you no that someone is sorta trustworthy. but okies, i relises my dad isnt 1 to trust its been a kick in the heart and everything in my life that involves him feels like a lie, but its best to learn it now than later on right?
i want this year to just give me more positive things, it seems like theres going to be tho, after all ma bad shit that goes on i feel like i push it on one person that least deserves it, its ok tho, i think lol, after everything that goes horribly wrong in my world or what ever seems to feel like is badly wrong, i lean on the person that seems to make me see that he will stick around, every single person needs someone like that, no matter what person they are, happy, sad, whatever, they all need a person that no matter what crazy shit you decide is the thing you want to do, they belive in you, and they are there. i recomend them highly.
i went off the track of seeing the postive sides of things in the light that i should, the way that for everything thing that pisses you off badly, there is something in it that is good, its shit when you get wrapped up in the negitive stuff, it total pulls you down, but if you just see the slight good bits you feel totally different. i sound like i worship god : ... i dont!... far from it, but good things make your insides feel good, which, erm is naturaly a good thing?
what the fuck am i talking about, i have it all in my head, but i crnt write it, all i really want to say is, last year: it was a bit pants, but it was the wake up call my life needed. this year: something good ( i hope ). and erm that ther is good in sum bad things, but that sounds something like in the bible, help me. i wrekon ill no what to write when i wake up.