~ buxton ~

haloween is so much fun if your a kid, when you were little there was nothing better than roaming the streets with a few freinds after you made your mother traul threw the shops trying to find you an outfit that no one else had, you then came home with the biggest bag of sweets and normaly about 20 quid, and went to bed with a stomach ache from eating far to much rubbish, but now you hear the knock at the door and you freeze, the curtains are close and the lights are on low and everyone keeps still its as though if you move they will hear you, you carnt bare to open the door to the annoy little shit that has there hand out asking you to give them something in return for the annoumus knocks at the door on random nights where they have ran off laughing. how do you turn so bitter about these scary monsters! you were one, at one point, but now... you hate them all! the poor children, not many people have good things to say about them, i mean come on, they steal your seats on public transport, they make far to much noise, and .... im starting to sound like an old lady. ill shut up now. the point is ... haloween next year im going to stick a sign in my garden telling them to fuck off. i hope they get the point.

how often do we take our senses for a a joke, we dont appreciate them as much as we should but we use them everyday, we should thank ourselves for having what we have, not everyone has the ' normal' senses, after a air bag deciding to try and give my head a hug it blessed me with taking my hearing away for a short while, i was pondering on wether to take a crash course on sign language, its a scary feeling when all you can hear is your voice mubble as loud as car horn in your head, and the response from another human was just soft mubbles, the thought as it would anyone drove round the roads in my head at about 80 miles an hour . . . am i deaf forever!. i didnt no wether to panic, or just wait for the noises of daily life to ease on. after about 24 hours, i got my hearing back but, ... but... i think i have learnt alot therw having something you use without asking to being missing for a short amount of time. i felt icolated from the day to day life, i talk none stop, i love it, i always have, and i am a born talker... but all i could do was basicly talk to myself!... god how you get sick ov your own voice, i was starting to feel sorry for other people that i spoke to, music then is taken away from you, and i had cliff richards celebration song stuck in my head. but what i have learnt is that you never realise what you have until its gone, its something that everyone knows, but not everyone gets what it means, i think you can use it for everything, for people that are deaf full time... not as a job, or that have gone deaf after being able to hear, i feel so sorry for them, hearing is fantastic, even the noises of the most annoying song you can think of.... i missed my hearing... and now its back, i want to welcome it with a party with loud music and constant noise.

~ vaults ~

the made up man up stairs has been playing with the sims with me again, i think every now and again, god likes to put the little green dimond above our heads and likes to add things or complicate things in our own world that seems so big to us. today god has decided to make me think of making a decision which feels wrong... but might provide somewhat of a plus for me.

i want some money again, i want some good money so i can spend when i want to again... but i want to be " sensible " with it, i want to use it for what money should be used for. not for green tea but for bits of wood and bricks.

that mind churning thought that has been running threw the spacious place called my mind still hasnt found the exit sign. i thought i was almost close to the way out, but i feel like i have relised its not all over yet, its not the end of it but i wish it was. the 2nd best feeling has kicked in, what a feeling eh, but its more with your own paranoia,its just that thought on a tredmill that every time its foot lands on the ground its imprinted harder. hmm i think i might have to send some event staff in to show this thing the exit, its well past its stay, if it wants to stay it will have to pay again otherwise its not staying in there much longer, how am i suposed to pay the rent.

is it just me or do random people you see in the street make you think of things that you wouldnt normaly think of, to me, personaly, not to you, well it might to you ... but to me, some people stand out more than others, they seem to show you a way of something that you might be missing? lacking? envying?... i envy people alot, i supose most people do, most woman do i think more than anyone, what is this world coming to, were all for competition, it has to be, its a dog eat dog world, or lion eat lion world, i think its tougher for survivle these days, people have to be " better " than the person sitting next to them, or there girlfriend has to be nicer than there mates just to have the upper hand, but has it always been like that? do we always have to buy the t shirt that costs 4 quid in one shop and 80 quid in the next just becuase you have the money to purchase the more expensive version, but i have to hold my hands up and say shoot me, i was a money whore, but like reborn again weridos i relised that ... dear holy god, i relised that in the name ov jesus,money isnt everything, i feel like a total twat for that, but yeh with out the god shit, i would live without money, if i had, this is going to sound so corny, but if you have someone that really loves you as much as you love them, and your happy, then you dont need that money, it helps but its not everything.. which some people find out. but getting back on the subject, ive relised money .. what it is... and how to handle it. and erm now i wudnt mind somemore just for a second chance... so god if your listening in the make belive world your from can you please hand me some, if you just put it in my bank or put it in a stamped envelope addressed to me i would be happy to look after it for you.... ill cheak my bank in the morning.

ive decided i want to know what people think, im going to come up with some speical device, maybe thats what ill get my money from... but erm no, i wanna no what people close to me think about, what takes up there thoughts mostly in the day and at night time and what is in them thoughts, its sad i no but i sat doodling the other day, more like a few days ago and for some reason i just did it, i wrote what was in my mind not the full blow wack, but what it was, who it was and what it was a about, i wrote it in order of what i think about most, and when i looked at it, it suprised me a bit, i didnt relises i spent so much of my time thinking of 1 thing and so much time not thinking about something else, every week it will change for people. but i dont no, im quite nosey 4 it, i like to no what people are thinking, god i think me and you are going to have to do some serious thinking and your going to have to give me some special powers, i really wish you were real sometimes, i could write you a letter or because its modern times im guessing you would have an email address, i could request things that i would like to try out like a trial subscription, i could pay you £2.99 a month for a free trial of things then i could download it onto my fone for a speical subscribers price if i thought it was worth it.

hmmmm.... iv had an update i think from myself, from liff asking me to do some more stuff with him im not sure if i should, its not that i shouldnt but i think i want to change the stuff i sing, i dont think im going to sing the stuff i do, the songs that are to personal to me, the ones that make me feel that everyone then knows you, i thought i was the only one like that but after talking to another dude that sings he said he felt exactly the same when he sings about stuff, i think its the 2 songs that really get me the most that i wrote myself that in away mean alot to me, i can always at no matter what time at my life look back at them and feel what i felt about it and understand it like when i wrote it, but its hard when someone else that doesnt know you hears it, you put this effort into it that you crnt stop it just happens and people know its not just something your singin because you can its becuase you want to and/or it means something to you proply. my feelings front is still totally weird with me, i like it but it feels like i need to keep reajusting the tap of the flow often, but the songs where you sing about something that is about your feelings, like something i wrote about someone i love, i have never wrote something where it has been totally and just about 1 person, its sorta always bin infuluenced if its something with feelings in, but i wrote it totaly from my own soul and what i felt, i let my feelings just take over and write what they wanted, but then again i dont want other people seeing my raw side of feelings, its odd and it makes me feel like i have been shown to everyone, a strange thing i no, but it feels like i have been put up on a podeum and people have the right to point the finger, the thing i think it all goes down to is i dont want someone to think its shit, i dont want someone to say i dont like it, even thought its normal but when its about something you love or something you have wrote about with a deep passion, its a bit of a kick in the ribs when someone says they dont like it, i havent ever had anyone say bad things about the song that would sorta kick me down like a man with wooden legs on a windy day, but i sorta now dont want to take the chance, of letting someone put it down, so i think i might not do it ne more but im not sure, the confidence barrier has been raised a bit, but its not high enough yet to reach normal, i think when it reaches normal i wont feel so raw about it as though people can see ' me ', fuckin hell i ramble on, but i think this is the only think i can let my mind talk to none stop, i feel like i have certain things that just buzz threw my mind and i just want to write about it, .... so the main topic on the daily beverley news headline is .... i dont no wether to sing the song i sing... dummmm dum duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum, i need to shut up and get some self confidence, but we no thats only going happen by 1 thing. but its sorta coming along.

~ edition ~

a good friend means alot right? .. correct, without a friend i think we would all freeze and cripple up and stay in our cardboard houses for the rest of our lives, there the backbone in our lives, they give you the courage to do things, and they make you admire things in people that you dont relises you admire, people insipre you in ways that are un noticable, but really change your life dramaticly. i did the worst thing i felt was possibly doing at the moment, i did some more singing infront of alot of eyes, eyes are horrible, they look at you in that eyeish way, because they are eyes, but you know that behind them, there is someone there judging you, how you are, how you look, how you sing, what your singing about and how you perform it, fuck its horrible, i just need the confidence, but somewhere in the box ov my life its in there somewhere i think i just have to rumege around for a bit, its like them boxes where you have to put your hand in and you dont no what your going to pull out, only this time, my eyes are taped shut with the strongest duck tape in the world, but i went for it, and i did it. it scares me shitless, but i supose you dont want to no about that, but for the songs i did with liff, i felt, more.... at ease.he has that calmness that only certain people have, the calmness that in all situations would just say, hold on, you can sort it, i think its easier to perform with someone else, you have something like a friend to just sorta have there, its like an uncontrolable force that calms your nerves that make you feel like your brain has parkinsons.
it gets you when you reilise in the things you have writen that it shows what you think and how you feel, and it shows people you, the side of you that you dont want to show, its like they then know you, and i dont like people knowing me, i never have and i dont think i ever will, i can be ignorant and go out of my way to push someone in the other direction and not show them me, or what as much as me i can show out, or just be plain arogant. but on certain lyrics and songs you think fuck, these people know me! ... its like a slap in the dish with a wet fish, its a wake up in a way, but ... its been done and its still something for showin that side that i sorta need to deal with.... but on the whole mr sunshine, i enjoyed it, it was better than last time and i think i might... erm do it again.

~ datalife ~

i made the big mistake of opening my window just now, i let the cold roll into my room, it didnt even have the curtosey to knock before coming into my room, it just rolled in and filled my room with a thick layer of ice, and made itself at home. ive come to the conclusion of if i type then my fingers should defrost nicely. i think i need a new window though, the seal that is suposed to keep all the damp out of the double glazed window seems to have failed its job misseribly over the past few months i think its time to sack it, and look for a new employee. i think interviews will take place on wednesday, i better start advertising.

but forget the window its not what iv came to write about, ill survive the cold with my duvet and body fat i am so despratly trying to get off, i think the starvation diet might take place for a week or too, god it annoys me so much, i think if i chop my wrist off and get a special claw! i can be thin again, or even to a state were self confidence is on the horizon, i think ill book an oppointment tomorow and see what batterys these claws take to do there thing.

why does the human race never learn a lesson which is so easy to learn? . . . since we were brought into this world we were given the instinct to not really trust the oppoisite sex in this blue and green planet we call earth unless we no there decent, or to piss the one we love well the one we " love " off, its not really worth it in the long run, and ither which way it works a stab in the back normaly ocurs to even the scores, ... but listen up everyone .... just stick to the common sense of the human realtionship rules which should be built into all of us minus the unfortunate mentally disabled people that live on council estates with there mass of plastic gold jelwery, sorry i wont stereotype, its not like i actully no what there realtionships are like, for all i no they could be the most caring and loveing people around, but from what i see which i try not to alot there quite a strange race in themselves. but back to the point ... i seem to drift sum what...
why do people stay with each other when they must blatently not be happy, why would you cheat on someone you " love "... you therefore obviously dont love them in the way they say they do, thats whats always bugged my brain, why do people cheat on someone? or even talk to someone else out of the realtionship in a " flirtacious, leading on, loving" way... if you do... your not happy in a realtionship or your not getting what you want, so why are you in it? why dont you just leave it, its resolves the problem and the other person doesnt get hurt in the way that could hurt even more. . . . ahhhhh.... why do i bother, no why does it bother me that much? i hope its because i have the decentcey not to do such a thing, or it could be the fact that i have unfortunalty experienced it myself?... but lets not talk about that, infact, i dont want to talk about past realtionships ever again, in my blog and outside my blog, they just bring back things you dont want to think about, even for other people, i think they can sometimes effect another person more than yourself, but they can make you relises what your better off without.

that felt nice... i feel clensed and hmmmm slightly like my shoulders are lighter... god blogger i love you, i love you more than wotsits, no i love you more than gerkins, but not as much as the sun he is far superiour and so is steve, so im sorry you dont amount to them but you are more worthy then gerkins and thats alot by the way blogger if you were wondering, but what i was wondering, are you a male or a female?, what if i was to refure to you as an "it" isnt that rather rude?.... ill call you a he, if im wrong please let me know but now your sir blogger.

my hands have defrosted ... i think the typing has helped. infuture i think ill refrain from opening the air outlet at such a late time at night when its getting so close to winter. the monsters are also looking for homes at this time of year ... i best keep it shut.

i have a question... and im going to ask it... steve you will be ask i think you already know this tho, you give good answers and ... you did. but here goes .. when people talk in there heads and they get there answers themselves from there concious, do god belives think its god that is talking to them or helping them when they pray and " talk to him " like that? . . . i like the answer steve gave me thou ... > yes it is babes . . but as god created everything and knows everything you shouldnt need to pray because he knows everything about you already and knows what you're thinking.....he hates god but god goers you are thinking rubbish, you are then generaly talking to life itself. why thank you steve.

ive just noticed ... the red button on my sky remote must have been pressed even thou its on my sofa, how come its been pressed? .. god was it you? ... i think not, sir blogger? is that a no i hear in my concious maybe ill just forget about it and change the channel, thank you for tonight sir blogger, maybe we could do this again the same time tomorow? i can feel things that i want to talk about already, but ill save them for another day.

~ thanks ~

why does blogger have the tendency to delete your blog half way threw, it likes to just close my page down, i think it gets bored of what i write, but i wish it wudnt. the thought that has annoyed my for the past week has still stayed there strong, it has now had things added on, i think it goes round my mind picking up things on its way, but it doesnt look like it could overfill anytime soon. i just want it to stop going round my head and leave exiting from my ear and not to come back anytime soon. should i confront it? should i let on about it? or leave it to pass?.

i am missing mans best friend alot at the moment, i want him to walk threw the doorway with a pair of socks in his mouth and jump on the sofa, i think for the reason of you can feel his love when he is near you, that love that your heart just picks up on like a metal detector, or more like a love detector, and he was full of it.
todays conclusion is . . . . drum roll please . . . . nothing is what it seems, you think and feel that something is there, it was there it was there really strongly, but when its confronted, its not, its just there but not shown as it was, or you want it to be shown, it makes me feel like an idiot, or a child that has had its toy taken away i want to scream for it to come back, i crave it, but its just not given to me, i prevoke it to come back, i make the biggest hints but... it fails to get a response like it used to, it used to get the same back and more, it left you feeling like the sun had touched your skin for the first time in years, but now... its like the sun has gone in and it doesnt want to come out at the moment. oh well ay.... supose its just not up to me is it, i will stay with how i am and try and live off my own.

this mornin was the most fantastic sunrise i have seen in a long time, from the hour and a half sleep i had which really " recharged" me, i decided to just get up and listen to my music and cringe in pain. stomach pains are the worst, i dont mind them n e where else but stomach pains are ... they are the daddy of all pains well this one is. i crnt wait for it to be over, but still at bout half 8 its still going strong!

i had a dream in the short space of time my body actully slept, about jamie and steve, for some reason, we were all going to a restarant, we never actully got there, but it was just the walking down the road to this place that stands out the most. it was a happy and tranquil feelings i felt like i had never felt so in love and as though it was just a happy good feel day. i was walking holdin steves hand and jamie was just talking about stuff that had happened in the day, it felt really real.i think it was becuase i went to see jamie the other day, no matter what time of the day i take a strole along, the feeling of just plain old peace is there, but its has happy mixed in with it, it makes me feel happy and clensed, what a weird thing :S .... but it does, i like it and he listens to me, i used to feel like a tit when i used to just sit there, but when you sit there and think beside him its like he is listening to you, and you sometimes hear his voice in a part answer in your head, but its as though you say it outloud, and as though even tho you dont see him, he could be standing behind a tree sayin SUPRISE!... its more like them confesion boxes in church where you dont see the vicar or preist whoever talks to you!... but they listen to you.

~ cornet ~

i wont resist the small annoying niggling things that bug you in ways that are so stupidly high, when you refresh your brain to them a strange yet overwhemled feelings.. i duno if thats the right way to put it, but a strange feelings yeh, reminds yourself of how much its hads got to you, it will shake off soon but i wish like a bed sheet you could just shake it off whenever you wanted.
but the annoying thing, well the thing thats bothering me, its sort of has already been solved it was all along, but my mind isnt happy with the problem to start with, i dont no whether its my self concious, confidence, jelousy, or what ever you call things a bit like that, but mines a bit strong. questions should be asked but they shouldnt, but i should shut up about it.

have you ever seen your life from the outside? like from another person that reminds you ov yourself in so many ways?... or have you ever wanted to?. i came face to face with an abnormal person to me that reminded me of ... yes youve got it me. i suddenly disliked the person, i think because i dont like many people but also because you dont want to be reminded of who you are, well who you were. was a bit of an eye opener i do say! but its nice to look and relise you not that person anymore and that you have something better with you life. but i dont like my shelter gone, its sort of like im exposed to the suns full rays and now and again im a bit scared and want to find a nice rock to crawl under, like earlier with the small mind thinking item, i felt like i should have just found that comfort zone, but it wasnt there .... but im fine! im gud ... and thats a great thing.

lets just all raise a toast to the motorway patrol

~ set ~

take what you want and run, if you dont you wont get what you want i guess?. why do people sit and wait around on each other? they wait for someone to do it first then .... then they decided to come out there hurmit shell and decided to be the sheep that they were born to be.
people are strange i think i would prefur having a full set of spoons to talk to instead. they show you alot more about life i would think, not that erm... i have talked to some spoons that is.

as i got up this morning, there was the sun, the most famous one among us all, and the way he hid behind the clouds after i opened my curtains showed me that today isnt going to be the best of days, i think its going to be one of them take them as they come days the days that just fly by on the calender and you dont remember what happened, or i could be wrong, i could be totally wrong, this day could be quite eventful, but i dont think in a positve way... but we shall see what this day has instore for me.

i think today is a good day to fill myself with liquid bread, ill feed myself off it and the drunkness sometimes resets you, which i am hoping, i dont like the stage my feelings seem to be just stuck at, normaly there up and down like in rev metre, but for some reason were stuck on the same feeling or we drop slightly under and then go back to where it was, but its getting better but today just feels like a bad day in my bones... my bones!!! im like a lil old lady, so really its hazed my veiw on things, it gives the tint on things which ever feeling your in so it effects what you write. its total bollocks today tho, i dont no why i wanted to write something but... i am, and its utter shit... and .... i love it :)

~ aspire ~

so really who am i ? ... for a while i have left that to be discovered by myself or for someone to tell me, secretly i like people telling me who i am, and what i am, no matter what they say its intresting, i like seeing how people see me, even tho it could all amount to nothing in the end. but yeh, i forget how to decide for myself. but thank the lord, i think i have figured it out, not completely but i think i have done a good rough sketch.
i feel like someone well the woman from the local newsagents has handed me a lottery ticket, but ... not an odernery lottery ticket, a life tickets... and this years winner goes to .... Beverley!
my life has changed as much as a camilion changing colours at the moment, the past few days have been the most up in arms times i think i have had this year. i feel like i could go for a run down the streets with my arms in the air and scream as loud i was capable of.
i think some of it is slightly understandable, my most loved thing that was unjudgementle has left this planet, he had to be put down, the brown furry animal that followed me round like i had steak strapped to my feet. he was great, he wasnt a sheep ( well no he was a dog ...) he didnt listen to all the hearsay that humans do, he wasnt infulenced by what people say or what people think, like humans do, no matter what i felt he was just there, he was a totaly crazy pup and was unexplanbly fantastic.
i miss his small grunts when you poked him to wake him up in the mornin, then you would get a giant paw shoved in your face and the biggest tounge i have ever seen lick your face.
he carnt amount to anyone, i just loved that he was constantly happy, he was the mans best friend a dog people rave about wanting. the feeling of unter emptiness has some what overwhelmed me at the moment, i dont have my dude to come home to now, but enough! B enough!

i found out last night that of all animals, a starfish doesnt have a brain, so come on smarty pants, how does it think? please can someone let my small brain no as now i am wondering at stupid times of the day to how this strange animal which aparently... has an eye on each leg thinks.. so where are the eyes attatched to, shouldnt they be attatched to the brain? god this strange weird animal has totaly stumped me.

i think i have supersized my sights, i feel like my life has been like a cats, maybe even better i may have had even more chances, i feel like i should shut up though which i will after i write this of course. i have come to the conclusion that, love is a brittle madness. but i havent made of lust yet, i dont really like it so i dont want it to take up my thinking space its just a copy cat of love.

~ what ?~

why do we stop ourselves before doing something we really wish we were doing? some thing that will stay on your mind for the next few hours of the day, or maybe the next few days, that you regret in the mind that you were given. i dont think its really explainable, thats self explanitry though isnt it, no one knows how our minds think or why they think what they think, or the most annoying thing of today is, why did we stop ourselves doing something.

the exsistance of another human being that can give you something total unreal to your emagination or to your inner world has now walked into the main road of my life, past the busy traffic and traffic lights and now seems to be, well just be right infront of me on that road that seems to look good. i dont think a touch from another human could make me feel like i am full off electricity, or just settled peace, its a strange feeling to describe, but the only way i can think of it at this moment is like you have hit home. its that touch that no matter the weather or what ever someone has said to you in the day to day wear and tear of life the touch over rides it all and makes you feel something to good to describle, you no then when you get it that the world isnt such a bad place at the end of the day. your body just fills with a feeling of love thats to overwhelming.

i keep doing well, then i hit the bottom at rediculous times, why?! oh why?!?! ... you could be standing in the que in tescos and feel the choak in your throat and you feel like you have to drop your well browsed items and find the nearest exit. do you think that your mind likes to play these games with you, for when you think, im great! im fine!, it lets you no that really your not just yet. strange thing is our minds, well mine is anyway. i do worry about myself at times.

i dont want to mess this one up though, i think im doing ok, well i hope i am, i find that my emotions really need to be kicked into place, i feel like there bad kids at school that need to be put into line but there to rebelious to listen, they make me feel stupid i want to just hit them on the head with the biggest mallet i can find, i want to tame them but with what im not to sure yet, i think i might search on e bay and see if there is any food i can feed them to help keep them in line. they just spill out, i feel at times there controled then bang! there outa the bag! ... how embaressing, . . . i want to keep them locked up a bit like before hand, but i carnt do that, i dont want to but i need to if you see the way my fingers are trying to tell you as i type this.

its when you can sort of see your life before you but not, you emagine the future and you can see things you would love to, or like to do and that person is in it, that person that makes you happy, that fills you with the love you that you thought was so impossible to feel. and then you think, wow, and insert feelings again .... i feel like this blog is going to be like them storys you have the arrows pointing back to something refuring all the time... well it is, but er... i dont have the arrows, but anyway back to what i was saying. and then you think wow, am i myself in to deep here, i would love to be able to have a little metre on someone to see how in love they are, i think for the fact that i am noisy but i think it would also be cool, you would no when to sort of cool your feelings to give them a bit of back off space, or when you no its safe to let the lid of that strange bag with all the crazy uncontrolable love in it. but yeh .... i can sort of see how i would like it to be, and i really hope it can be, make that REALLY hope. god i really am head over heals, you think of the person being so far away and all i can feel is the warmth of my tears rolling down my face and ache in my heart and throat. its a total shock factor for how this 1 person has had such an effect on me, with 1 look off him it gives you the fuck, im so pathetic, but its ok feeling, the one when your lieing in your bed that feels so empty without that body there, the one that holds you, it reminds me of being lost in them deserted supermakets that you only see on films where the trolleys are all turned over and the items are still rolling off the cheakouts but there is no one else to be seen around. i keep wanting to bite myself and think wake up woman!get a grip on what your doing. but the head over heals feelings in still going strong but not as bad as it was, i still get times where the tears roll down my face at the most un practical times in the world, where i carnt stop it.

to top the down side of me up, money that seemed that would make my life the most fantastic life in the world, is now untouchable until im of a certain ages, come on which sad act made these stupid rules, if you want the money for a genuine reason or even if you just want a bit of it, and note ... it should be a valid reason, i think it should be aloud. i think with dreaming and wishing i wished my luck away, i supose i just now have to face the facts though and ill jut have push that dream out of the window, it seems like its fallen from a pretty high height, like from the top of the ifel tower, no wait, from ... a large high building and you just sort of watch it fall down in slow motion. it felt like i could sorta live my life with him not as much perminatly but i duno just 4 a bit as tho i had the money to go and stay with him sorta when i needed to, i still have half of me regreting telling him taking the job, i sometimes think what it cud ov bin like if he had stayed but, i no with the other half of me its the right thing for him to do, its just one half of me is the selfish side and i want to be able to come home and be able to be with him every night, but SLAP wake up girl, its reality time. i no its guna be a while but ill wait 4 him, i love him more than anyone could love someones, more than anyone could ever love him, and i want to for the rest of my life, ... fuck there it goes again, whats this all about, i actully mean it as well, ... the rest ... THE REST... what? the rest of my life? thats a long time, thats a scary long time but i feel like its something i really really want.fuck what a week can do to you. i really need to put my head into so cold water.